Just Because I'm Tall

By any way you measure it, I’m above your average standard in height. In my own calculations I check in at 6’8” or 2.032 meters for you European folk. That’s one inch shorter than what I’m listed in the media guide and a whopping 11 inches taller than the 5’9” average of Caucasian-American men. (Source)

You could say a lot of people look up to me, I was 5’9” before I began middle school.

Growing up, I always towered over my classmates making it nearly impossible not to “stick out” among my peers. I was a head taller than everyone else, most times even my teacher. In elementary school, I always had to bring up the rear when walking in single file lines because if someone walked behind me, they might inadvertently catch an elbow if they weren’t careful.

I stuck out in athletics too.

When you’re taller than everyone, it’s presumed that you’re older as well. It didn’t matter whether it was soccer, baseball, or basketball, my father always had a copy of my birth certificate on hand if anyone wanted to dispute my real age. We might even have made copies to keep one in each car.

I obviously chose to pursue one sport more than any other, but it might not be for the reasons you think. I have heard people say that it’d be a waste of height if tall men didn’t at least give basketball a try and I don’t agree with that. Being pressured to participate in any activity because of a physical attribute is wrong. Honestly, I chose to stick with basketball because it took the least amount of time to get ready for. Soccer had long socks and sweaty shin guards. Baseball had a hat and pants in the summertime. Neither of these worked for me. All you need for basketball is some high-top sneakers.

Because of my height, my whole life I’ve been peppered with questions from strangers that want to know if I play basketball. Who do I play for, they want to know. I hope I don’t disappoint them when my answers tend to be a sport that doesn’t require height, like hockey or table tennis. I think I sell it on my demonstration of my ferocious slap shot or wicked backhand.

The worst is when these same strangers then proceed to tell me the entire life story of someone else they know that is also tall. As if I would care that your 14 year-old nephew is 6’2”, wears a size 12 shoe and plays basketball for the freshmen B team at his high school I've never heard of. What am I to do with this information, other than smile politely and nod right back at you?

Do I wish I was shorter? No. Do I wish I was taller? Nope. I wouldn’t have it any other way. I was just surprised so many of you average dudes got the “short” end of the stick.

Soda vs. Pop (Just Pick One)

Let’s pretend its summer, and you’re on a peaceful stroll in the park. You can pick the park, any park will do. It’s blistering hot outside, and while walking past a street vendor, you notice your mouth is a tad bit parched. Captain obvious says thirst is the diagnosis, and a carbonated beverage does sound delicious right about now. You go to order your soft drink, but when you order it, what do you say? Soda or pop???

Well, according to this neat color-coded piece of cartography, it all depends on where you’re from.

(Click to make bigger)

My fellow residents of “The Most Dangerous City in the Nation” say soda.

Chicagoians call it pop.

What do you call it?

As for me? Well I don’t really care; they’re all mixers to me…

Dirty Laundry 14

Sorry it's been awhile, but I've been busy so get off my case.


There’s nothing I haven’t thought of during the National Anthem. And that includes this...

Dear fellow citizens of America,
Please stop treating the National Anthem like an American Idol audition. We love our country just as much as you do, but don't want to sacrifice our hearing.

Thanks.

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During the school year, I really believe the number of vehicles on this campus vastly outnumbers the number of parking spaces. Looking at a map and locating your classrooms is one thing, but having to strategically plan the future position of your parked car to accommodate both the maximum chance of parking spaces available and the minimum walking distance is another thing. And why is parking so expensive? I have a small fortune of silver American coins in my car whose specific purpose is only for the parking meters. I guess what they say is right, time is money and money is time, I just didn’t know it was so damn expensive.

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Wait, is it Pet Smart or Pets Mart?

What's the point of having a Katt Williams Comedy Central Special when you have to BEEP out every other word?

Does a stoner prefer Baked Lays?

Do you think Jesus automatically knew he was Jesus from the start, or did his mom or somebody tell him and he grew into it?

You know when little kids say, "I love you this much!" and spread their arms out as wide as they can? Well, amputees love no one. And going along with this, not too many people are capable of loving as much as me. You'd have to have a wingspan greater than 7,1".

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Meyers Leonard told me he could throw a baseball 90 MPH and I don’t believe him. So naturally, we made a bet to settle this dispute, but because the NCAA frowns upon gambling, we decided to make the bet in Monopoly money. Anyone got a radar gun?

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I’m still shocked that I have a blog that is read by people other than those I pay to read it, but hey I appreciate it!