Monday, January 31, 2011

Dirty Laundry 14

Sorry it's been awhile, but I've been busy so get off my case.


There’s nothing I haven’t thought of during the National Anthem. And that includes this...

Dear fellow citizens of America,
Please stop treating the National Anthem like an American Idol audition. We love our country just as much as you do, but don't want to sacrifice our hearing.

Thanks.

_________________

During the school year, I really believe the number of vehicles on this campus vastly outnumbers the number of parking spaces. Looking at a map and locating your classrooms is one thing, but having to strategically plan the future position of your parked car to accommodate both the maximum chance of parking spaces available and the minimum walking distance is another thing. And why is parking so expensive? I have a small fortune of silver American coins in my car whose specific purpose is only for the parking meters. I guess what they say is right, time is money and money is time, I just didn’t know it was so damn expensive.

_________________

Wait, is it Pet Smart or Pets Mart?

What's the point of having a Katt Williams Comedy Central Special when you have to BEEP out every other word?

Does a stoner prefer Baked Lays?

Do you think Jesus automatically knew he was Jesus from the start, or did his mom or somebody tell him and he grew into it?

You know when little kids say, "I love you this much!" and spread their arms out as wide as they can? Well, amputees love no one. And going along with this, not too many people are capable of loving as much as me. You'd have to have a wingspan greater than 7,1".

________________

Meyers Leonard told me he could throw a baseball 90 MPH and I don’t believe him. So naturally, we made a bet to settle this dispute, but because the NCAA frowns upon gambling, we decided to make the bet in Monopoly money. Anyone got a radar gun?

________________

I’m still shocked that I have a blog that is read by people other than those I pay to read it, but hey I appreciate it!

5 comments:

  1. Tyler,

    Just an Illini fan here. Wanted to stop in and say we're all rooting for you and the team. I want to see you putting up shots with confidence real soon. This team needs you.

    Thanks.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Your bet with Meyers reminded me of this:

    http://vimeo.com/18375049

    Maybe Meyers plans to have a buddy driving 90 mph alongside him just as he releases the pitch.

    ReplyDelete
  3. I always like when acapella groups sing the national anthem rather than a soloist. They don't "over-soul" the song like most soloists, and they are usually, really, really good.

    And, I bet that Koinonia House would let you park in their lot during the day. 308 E Daniel St, pretty close to the quad.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Who won the bet?

    ReplyDelete
  5. So your blogging was brought up in 262 today by Mary so I thought i'd look it up...I read a couple of your posts and they are HILARIOUS! Your dirty laundry blogs are the best, for sure. Seriously, keep up the good writing! It's also nice to know that the more prominent Illini athletes aren't as dumb/stuck up as many people think they are. See you in class :)

    ReplyDelete