In my opinion, the best Halloween costume of the year would have been the Old Spice commercial guy, but unfortunately I didn’t come across any on my Halloween weekend adventures. I definitely would have took it upon myself to dress up like that, but was afraid a white guy walking around in a towel carrying deodorant would not be looked as creative, but as idiocy.
My bout of indecision led me to not choose any costume…or so I thought. Apparently a Nike hooded sweatshirt and jeans combined with Caucasian skin and a 6’8 body is the costume of Meyers Leonard. If I had a dollar for every time someone called me “Meyers”, I’d be making money in a very weird way, but I'd still be rich! If my parents had a hard time with me and Bill Cole on the TV last year, they’re really going to be confused this time around.
The best costume I actually saw, was…well…it was a tie being between a very realistic and authentic Dos Equis Most Interesting Man in the World or just a kid wearing a plain white t-shirt that read, “I’m a crime alert!” Everything else I saw was neither funny nor creative, like the excessive amount of Teletubby’s I noticed this year. A Teletubby is the scariest Halloween costume ever and let me tell you why. It’s not because the actual costume itself is frightening, it’s the actual human being that chose to wear the costume in the first place. Anyone could be hiding under that toddler TV star, and I have to believe only pedophiles, serial rapist, or drug addicts would try such a thing.
I also spotted a lot of Snooki’s, from MTV’s hit reality TV show Jersey Shore. This costume was easy to assemble because all you needed was a wig, a low skirt and even lower than usual standards and you’re all set.
One of the funnier moments of the night was when I witnessed fake cops attempting to arrest real cops. It’s my belief this situation took a 180 degree turn faster than you can say “incarceration.”
I also saw a real cop pulling over a Jimmy Johns employee. I thought they were exempt from the law? You can't be freaky fast while still being obedient to the laws of the road can you? Of course, it could have been a sandwich making impostor but how can I be sure? How will I ever know?!? All these costumes and fake identities are messing with my mind. Seesh, I'm glad Halloween is only once a year.
Wednesday, November 3, 2010
Thursday, October 21, 2010
Dirty Laundry 13
When I think of something funny, I write them down in my phone. Some of these have been in my Blackberry for awhile, while others I just thought of last night when I was enjoying my Happy Meal for grown-ups, a Big Mac.
Public Service Announcement - If anyone out there has Boardwalk for McDonald's Monopoly and wants to split a million dollars, hit me up.
***
If an audience finds a self-proclaimed comedian not comical, is he a comedian? It's up to the audience to decide if he's funny or not, right?
Check the definition
Comedian [kuh-mee-dee-n]
-Noun
1. A professional entertainer who amuses by relating anecdotes, acting out comical situations, engaging in humorous repartee, etc.
2. An actor in comedy
3. A writer of comedy
4. Any comical or amusing person
You can't define comedian without the word comical in it.
***
There should be a law that protects automobile drivers from hitting jay-walkers. They shouldn't be walking there in the first place. Even pedestrians have to wait their turn.
So what happens if you delete all your web browsers and can't go to the internet to download another one?
I'm the type of better that doesn't collect when I win, and doesn't pay up when I lose.
Public Service Announcement - If anyone out there has Boardwalk for McDonald's Monopoly and wants to split a million dollars, hit me up.
***
If an audience finds a self-proclaimed comedian not comical, is he a comedian? It's up to the audience to decide if he's funny or not, right?
Check the definition
Comedian [kuh-mee-dee-n]
-Noun
1. A professional entertainer who amuses by relating anecdotes, acting out comical situations, engaging in humorous repartee, etc.
2. An actor in comedy
3. A writer of comedy
4. Any comical or amusing person
You can't define comedian without the word comical in it.
***
There should be a law that protects automobile drivers from hitting jay-walkers. They shouldn't be walking there in the first place. Even pedestrians have to wait their turn.
So what happens if you delete all your web browsers and can't go to the internet to download another one?
I'm the type of better that doesn't collect when I win, and doesn't pay up when I lose.
Sunday, October 10, 2010
The Life Of A Walk-on
Being a walk-on is tough, and I respect those who are willing to do it. They do everything a full athletic scholarship entails, minus the actual scholarship. Last year, we Illini were lucky to have Bubba Chisholm because he had it all. The hometown hero had the commitment, the enthusiasm, the fan appeal...hell he might have had a bit of sex appeal too and for a rookie walk-on that could be a lot to live up too. Obviously, he's no Mark Titus of Club Trillion fame, but nonetheless it's some big shoes to fill.
Into the picture comes Kevin Berardini from Lake Forest, Illinois and it doesn't matter that I haven't correctly pronounced his last name yet because he's also known as The New Bubba. Kevin was thrown into the fire just in time for our fall conditioning workouts, and the glorious events college basketball coaches around the country like to call individuals.
The team full of jokesters we are, as we were showing Kevin the ropes that is Illinois basketball, we also had a little fun; comparing how physically tough it is to be a walk-on to unfeasible, ridiculous feats outside of basketball. The jokes started off tame, and believable, but soon got to crazy, and hysterical. If you don't know what I mean by now, here's a list I made with some of the best ones.
A walk-on has got to be able to lick their elbow without dislocating their shoulder...AND be able to sneeze with their eyes open. Can't afford to miss a blink of the action.
A walk-on should be able to find a word in the English dictionary that rhymes with orange.
A walk-on's got to be able to pick a fight with Chuck Norris...and win.
A walk-on's got to be able to drown a fish, compute the last digit of Pi, and slam a revolving door.
Did you know a walk-on has to know how to squeeze apple juice out a banana or milk a cow and get lemonade?
A walk-on has to deliver a sandwich faster than Jimmy John himself. That's really freaking fast.
A walk-on's got to be able to walk on fire without getting burnt.
To be a walk-on, you have to memorize all the final fatalities on Mortal Combat, and perform them in person if need be. You should also be able to achieve all 120 stars on Super Mario 64 in less than 120 minutes.
A walk-on's got to be able to head butt a rhino and hurt the rhino.
A walk-on's got to be able to take a charge on a full speeding LeBron James, run through the middle against the Ravens and Ray Lewis, get hit by a pitch from Randy Johnson in his prime, and stop a point blank slap shot from The Great One.
To be a walk-on you got to be able to swim without getting wet.
And finally, a walk-on should have something like a 77.7 GPA on a 4.0 scale, to offset any questions the NCAA might have about team GPA and eligibility.
Into the picture comes Kevin Berardini from Lake Forest, Illinois and it doesn't matter that I haven't correctly pronounced his last name yet because he's also known as The New Bubba. Kevin was thrown into the fire just in time for our fall conditioning workouts, and the glorious events college basketball coaches around the country like to call individuals.
The team full of jokesters we are, as we were showing Kevin the ropes that is Illinois basketball, we also had a little fun; comparing how physically tough it is to be a walk-on to unfeasible, ridiculous feats outside of basketball. The jokes started off tame, and believable, but soon got to crazy, and hysterical. If you don't know what I mean by now, here's a list I made with some of the best ones.
A walk-on has got to be able to lick their elbow without dislocating their shoulder...AND be able to sneeze with their eyes open. Can't afford to miss a blink of the action.
A walk-on should be able to find a word in the English dictionary that rhymes with orange.
A walk-on's got to be able to pick a fight with Chuck Norris...and win.
A walk-on's got to be able to drown a fish, compute the last digit of Pi, and slam a revolving door.
Did you know a walk-on has to know how to squeeze apple juice out a banana or milk a cow and get lemonade?
A walk-on has to deliver a sandwich faster than Jimmy John himself. That's really freaking fast.
A walk-on's got to be able to walk on fire without getting burnt.
To be a walk-on, you have to memorize all the final fatalities on Mortal Combat, and perform them in person if need be. You should also be able to achieve all 120 stars on Super Mario 64 in less than 120 minutes.
A walk-on's got to be able to head butt a rhino and hurt the rhino.
A walk-on's got to be able to take a charge on a full speeding LeBron James, run through the middle against the Ravens and Ray Lewis, get hit by a pitch from Randy Johnson in his prime, and stop a point blank slap shot from The Great One.
To be a walk-on you got to be able to swim without getting wet.
And finally, a walk-on should have something like a 77.7 GPA on a 4.0 scale, to offset any questions the NCAA might have about team GPA and eligibility.
Wednesday, August 25, 2010
"You Sound Like You're From London!"
I can't tell you how many times that phrase was said during our day-trip to London. I don't even think God knows. It's a quote said by Paul Rudd from the movie, "Forgetting Sarah Marshall" and sounded like the perfect icebreaker when talking to complete strangers actually from London, an act which I did a lot.
One of the more popular topics of conversation with the Londoners was what football(soccer) team they supported(root for). If you didn't know already, I'm a huge Manchester United fan and an even bigger Wayne Rooney fan so regardless of their answer to the above question and whether they wanted to hear it or not, I gave them by best Martin Tyler impersonation of a Rooney goal. The Chelsea fans hated it, the Man U fans loved it.
Aside from high-fiving other soccer fans, I have to say London is by far the coolest city I've ever been to. All in one day, we went to see Buckingham Palace, Big Ben, the buildings of Parliament, the Prime Ministers house, and we traveled up the London Eye, the world's largest Ferris wheel situated in the heart of the city. We also did some shopping in England, which included a trip to London's Nike Town. As you might have guessed, this store had a whole floor dedicated to Europe's most prominent football clubs(teams). On full display were the full authentic kits(jersey + matching shoes) from clubs like Manchester United, Liverpool FC, Chelsea, FC Porto, Inter Milan, AC Milan, FC Barcelona, and Real Madrid. In my opinion, after studying each kit and balancing all the pros and cons, Inter had the sickest jerseys of them all, which is important information because everyone knows having fashionable outfits plays a huge role in determining which team you choose to use in the FIFA video game.
You might have heard about it already, but I'm keeping a list of every state and country I've scored a basket in. Basketball has provided me with some amazing opportunities to travel and see new places, so this is my way of keeping track of where I've been because of the game. Prior to this trip I was at 26 states and 5 different countries. The trip I just took was my 5th overseas adventure, including previous stops in Ireland, France, and the African nations of Senegal and Mali. Obviously I added two countries to my list, Belgium and Germany, but I didn't manage to find a hoop while in England. What I did manage to do is to persuade some kids playing soccer in the park to stop their game so I could shoot an undefended penalty kick. Characteristically, I buried it in the upper left 90(corner) and walked off the pitch(field) without another word.
Our next stop after London was Dusseldorf, Germany. From there we played two games, in as many nights, winning them both. We cruised to victory in the first game but the second one proved to be much tougher. For one thing, the fans decided it would be appropriate if they brought their Vuvuzelas to the game and blow them at random times, like when I'm shooting a free throw. I take back what I said about bringing Vuvuzelas to Assembly Hall, that would be a dire mistake. Furthermore, this team featured former University of Arkansas multi-sport athlete Marcus Monk. From what I can tell from his Wikipedia page, he spent the last couple of years in the NFL, spending time with the Chicago Bears and Carolina Panthers, before getting cut ahead of this season. Can't make it in the NFL, try professional European basketball...at the division 2 level. We won this game by a two.
Side note: Before we go any further, I want to take this time to express my distaste for carbonated water. Two games in Germany, two games we were forced to use bubbly, tasteless, gas water as hydration. I guess anything to get an advantage on the Americans.
Finally, we did play one last game in Belgium on our last night abroad but there's not much to say about it except that we won by fifty. Everything about this trip was awesome and I'm grateful for the experience. We had a great time both on and off the court and you couldn't have asked for a better group of guys. Even coach Price joined in on the fun and jokes. I want to say thank you to coach Weber, coach Price, Global Sports Academy, and everyone else involved in making this trip possible. It was an experience I will never forget.
The team in front of Buckingham Palace
Brandon and I in front of the buildings of Parliament
The Wayne Rooney display in Nike Town
The London Eye
Sunday, August 15, 2010
Where Did My Thursday Go?
Being stuck on an airplane for 8 hours is no fun. Good thing I’m somewhat of an experienced flier and know how to beg for an exit row. And I got lucky enough to sit next to a 10 year-old kid from Belgium who didn’t mind me stretching my legs every so often. If he did mind my legs in his personal space, I wouldn’t have known it because we both couldn’t communicate to each other. There’s something about younger kids speaking a language I don’t understand. I don’t like it.
The excitement on this trip started before we even left the city of Chicago. Surrounded by a circle of 6’5, 300lbs bodyguards, was Aubrey Graham also known as the rapper Drake. As excited as I was, I wasn’t nearly as thrilled as Brandon Paul who hopped up from seat to plead for a picture. Brandon got his picture.
All I did is give Drake that awkward stare that says, “I know who you are but I’m not going to tell you, I’m just going to tell the people next to me.” It’s just like the stares my teammates and I get when were out to eat at a restaurant around Champaign, except on a different level.
So our flight took 8 hours and left Chicago at 6pm and arrived in Brussels at 9am the next morning. If you’re counting at home, obviously I’m missing a few hours somewhere. My Thursday night was accelerated at an alarming rate. It was only dark for three hours! (I know this because I witnessed it. It’s physically impossible for me to fall asleep anywhere but a bed.)
I see it as time travel, but I guess the most logical reason is because we traveled against the rotation of the Earth with a turbo boost of tail wind and a helping hand of changing time zones. But even with all that said I’m still seven hours in the future and you’re not, ha!
After surviving practice on the day of arrival, our first full day here we toured the city of Bruges, Belgium. Bruges is most famous for being the lace capitol of the world. Lace panties, lace bras, lace placements, yes that kind of lace. During the tour, we ate lunch in the town square, and I couldn’t help but notice the ridiculous prices for food and drinks. Considering the outrageous conversion rate from the U.S. dollar to the Euro, which is $1.30 to every Euro right now; it was 12e for a bowl of spaghetti, 4e for bread sticks, and 6e for a liter of water! The whole time I’m thinking I could go to Olive Garden in America and have this exact meal, with unlimited salad, bread sticks and WATER, for half the price in American dollars.
The first game was also that day and as you can imagine it was full of tired eyes and jet-lagged legs. Even though we were a step slower than normal, we still pulled out the sloppy win by 10 points or so. No one’s arguing, a win is a win.
The next game we played was after another nights rest, and we definitely played like it too. Everybody was up bouncing around, getting hyped and couldn’t wait to get started. We won this game too, and I even managed to put together a solid game. I blame it on the pregame meal though, which consisted of an authentic Belgium waffle, smothered in strawberries, chocolate syrup, and vanilla ice cream. It was delicious.
I think that pretty much covers everything for now, as we don’t play another game for a couple days. Tomorrow we travel to London, England to sightsee and I’m really looking forward to it. I’ve always wanted to go to England and now I got the chance. I may never get another opportunity like this so I'm going to take full advantage. I’ll make sure to post some pictures when I get back. For right now, here are some of the pictures I’ve already taken. Enjoy!
Don't forget to follow me on twitter: @tylergriffey
Even though @coachjayprice seems to be beating me to the updates.
The excitement on this trip started before we even left the city of Chicago. Surrounded by a circle of 6’5, 300lbs bodyguards, was Aubrey Graham also known as the rapper Drake. As excited as I was, I wasn’t nearly as thrilled as Brandon Paul who hopped up from seat to plead for a picture. Brandon got his picture.
All I did is give Drake that awkward stare that says, “I know who you are but I’m not going to tell you, I’m just going to tell the people next to me.” It’s just like the stares my teammates and I get when were out to eat at a restaurant around Champaign, except on a different level.
So our flight took 8 hours and left Chicago at 6pm and arrived in Brussels at 9am the next morning. If you’re counting at home, obviously I’m missing a few hours somewhere. My Thursday night was accelerated at an alarming rate. It was only dark for three hours! (I know this because I witnessed it. It’s physically impossible for me to fall asleep anywhere but a bed.)
I see it as time travel, but I guess the most logical reason is because we traveled against the rotation of the Earth with a turbo boost of tail wind and a helping hand of changing time zones. But even with all that said I’m still seven hours in the future and you’re not, ha!
After surviving practice on the day of arrival, our first full day here we toured the city of Bruges, Belgium. Bruges is most famous for being the lace capitol of the world. Lace panties, lace bras, lace placements, yes that kind of lace. During the tour, we ate lunch in the town square, and I couldn’t help but notice the ridiculous prices for food and drinks. Considering the outrageous conversion rate from the U.S. dollar to the Euro, which is $1.30 to every Euro right now; it was 12e for a bowl of spaghetti, 4e for bread sticks, and 6e for a liter of water! The whole time I’m thinking I could go to Olive Garden in America and have this exact meal, with unlimited salad, bread sticks and WATER, for half the price in American dollars.
The first game was also that day and as you can imagine it was full of tired eyes and jet-lagged legs. Even though we were a step slower than normal, we still pulled out the sloppy win by 10 points or so. No one’s arguing, a win is a win.
The next game we played was after another nights rest, and we definitely played like it too. Everybody was up bouncing around, getting hyped and couldn’t wait to get started. We won this game too, and I even managed to put together a solid game. I blame it on the pregame meal though, which consisted of an authentic Belgium waffle, smothered in strawberries, chocolate syrup, and vanilla ice cream. It was delicious.
I think that pretty much covers everything for now, as we don’t play another game for a couple days. Tomorrow we travel to London, England to sightsee and I’m really looking forward to it. I’ve always wanted to go to England and now I got the chance. I may never get another opportunity like this so I'm going to take full advantage. I’ll make sure to post some pictures when I get back. For right now, here are some of the pictures I’ve already taken. Enjoy!
Don't forget to follow me on twitter: @tylergriffey
Even though @coachjayprice seems to be beating me to the updates.
The team in front of the Atomium in Brussels
The view when we climbed to the top.
Canals in Bruges, Belgium
Action shot!!
Sunday, July 25, 2010
Dirty Laundry 12
Remember, Dirty Laundry is my set aside place for all the information floating inside my brain that I deem not important enough to have its own post but still relevant enough to be posted.
So here we go.
Recently I ordered a club sandwich at a fancy restaurant. In order for the club sandwich to meet my personal specifications, this is what needed to be done. Instead of white bread, I asked for wheat. And I'm certainly not a fan of mayo so I exchanged that for mustard. I also added bacon and instead of Swiss cheese, I substituted in cheddar. After all these modifications, is my club sandwich a part of the club anymore?
After Lost, my newest TV adventure is following Jack Bauer save the world in the show 24. Am I really supposed to believe this guy saves the world on nine different occasions?
Why do bad guys on television or in the movies have really bad aim when it comes to killing the main character but demonstrate a near flawless ability to shoot the other characters throughout the rest of the film?
I found myself watching the WNBA the other day. Seriously, I'm convinced if you teach a girl how to pivot at a young age, she'll be a freaking All-American.
Premature joculation: The act of celebrating an event before the outcome has been determined. Usually results in one looking like a moron.
Last week, one of my sisters was at Mizzou volleyball camp and the other here with me at Illinois volleyball camp. Someday, the alliances in the Griffey household could very well be divided.
Apple is releasing a special edition LeBron James iPhone but the problem is it only vibrates because it has no RING!
I feel bad for weather forecasters in the Midwest and whoever replaces Lou Piniella. I wouldn't want those jobs.
If you have some time to kill, which you probably do because you're reading this, check out this article written by Paul Shirley. It's about life and the NBA.
Jaw-breakers is an awful name for a yummy fruit flavored treat.
What would happen if a tornado actually occurred on the first Tuesday of the month?
Did you know every time the Droid phone commercial airs George Lucas gets paid? He cleverly copyrighted the word "Droid".
Beats by Dre. A surround-sound stereo system you can wear as headgear. For those of you who want to impair your hearing while others who are 20 feet away enjoy at a normal decibel level. Whenever I left my iPod on team trips, Mike always had my back and let me listen to his...while I was 5 rows in front of him. Doesn't Dr. Dre know that if his customers go deaf no one will be able to listen to his music?
So here we go.
Recently I ordered a club sandwich at a fancy restaurant. In order for the club sandwich to meet my personal specifications, this is what needed to be done. Instead of white bread, I asked for wheat. And I'm certainly not a fan of mayo so I exchanged that for mustard. I also added bacon and instead of Swiss cheese, I substituted in cheddar. After all these modifications, is my club sandwich a part of the club anymore?
After Lost, my newest TV adventure is following Jack Bauer save the world in the show 24. Am I really supposed to believe this guy saves the world on nine different occasions?
Why do bad guys on television or in the movies have really bad aim when it comes to killing the main character but demonstrate a near flawless ability to shoot the other characters throughout the rest of the film?
I found myself watching the WNBA the other day. Seriously, I'm convinced if you teach a girl how to pivot at a young age, she'll be a freaking All-American.
Premature joculation: The act of celebrating an event before the outcome has been determined. Usually results in one looking like a moron.
Last week, one of my sisters was at Mizzou volleyball camp and the other here with me at Illinois volleyball camp. Someday, the alliances in the Griffey household could very well be divided.
Apple is releasing a special edition LeBron James iPhone but the problem is it only vibrates because it has no RING!
I feel bad for weather forecasters in the Midwest and whoever replaces Lou Piniella. I wouldn't want those jobs.
If you have some time to kill, which you probably do because you're reading this, check out this article written by Paul Shirley. It's about life and the NBA.
Jaw-breakers is an awful name for a yummy fruit flavored treat.
What would happen if a tornado actually occurred on the first Tuesday of the month?
Did you know every time the Droid phone commercial airs George Lucas gets paid? He cleverly copyrighted the word "Droid".
Beats by Dre. A surround-sound stereo system you can wear as headgear. For those of you who want to impair your hearing while others who are 20 feet away enjoy at a normal decibel level. Whenever I left my iPod on team trips, Mike always had my back and let me listen to his...while I was 5 rows in front of him. Doesn't Dr. Dre know that if his customers go deaf no one will be able to listen to his music?
Saturday, July 3, 2010
Manure, Fireworks, and Greatness
For the first time in three weeks, I woke up this morning and didn’t gag/choke/almost regurgitate after I took my first breath of air in the morning. No today I took a deep breath, inhaled, exhaled, and then smiled. This can mean only one thing…I’m not in Champaign anymore.
Not only am I taking a weekend off after a strenuous three weeks of vigorous training, elite-level basketball, and laborious weightlifting, but I’m also escaping the dreadful stench of cow poop that’s surrounding our beloved campus. Why didn’t anyone mention this before I chose to come to school here? Juuuuust kiddingggg.
I’ve heard that our agricultural school is really respected around the country; ranked in the top 25 or something like that. Did they base the rankings on which campus most smelled like pig, cow and horse manure? I don’t even know where the agricultural buildings are, but all I have to do is follow the stink.
Well actually, I do have some sort of idea. Lying on the other side of the street across from our practice facility is a mess of horse stables, pig pens, and cow pastures down yonder. Not to give our strength and conditioning coach any ideas but if we were to go outside and do conditioning drills sometime soon the whole team would most certainly suffocate to death…except maybe the Riverton, Illinois born Tisdale.
So I’m at home right now and enjoying this beautiful weather on the holiday weekend. I’m enjoying it while I can because come Sunday, this beautiful weather will be polluted with hundreds of thousands of fireworks to celebrate America’s 234th birthday. Nothing like killing the future so we can preserve the present. Let’s celebrate America’s birthday by blowing a small piece of her up…fantastic.
While I wasn’t lucky enough to sneak off to the lake (of the Ozarks) like everyone else I know, I’m making quite well here by myself. I’ve been hitting the pool, playing some XBOX, and achieving the impossible.
So I know you’re wondering how I might have managed that last one and before you get your panties all in a bunch I will tell you how I did it…in due time. It all started at the pool this weekend when I was doing some thinking and came up with the crazy idea to combine Michael Jordan and Jesus into one graceful, yet thunderous athletic accomplishment. I realize some Chicagoans might not see a difference in those two individuals and I can’t really blame them but all I ask for is them to see the difference for the rest of this blog post. I think they can handle it.
Like an achievement you strive for on your XBOX, it took the right mix of practice, skill, and a little bit of luck to get this right.
I call it the “Walk on Water Dunk”.
In words, I ran across the width of the pool (Jesus-esque) and dunked the ball in the hoop (MJ-esque) situated on the other side.
Here it is in pictures.
Okay, so I cheated...but just a little.
Not only am I taking a weekend off after a strenuous three weeks of vigorous training, elite-level basketball, and laborious weightlifting, but I’m also escaping the dreadful stench of cow poop that’s surrounding our beloved campus. Why didn’t anyone mention this before I chose to come to school here? Juuuuust kiddingggg.
I’ve heard that our agricultural school is really respected around the country; ranked in the top 25 or something like that. Did they base the rankings on which campus most smelled like pig, cow and horse manure? I don’t even know where the agricultural buildings are, but all I have to do is follow the stink.
Well actually, I do have some sort of idea. Lying on the other side of the street across from our practice facility is a mess of horse stables, pig pens, and cow pastures down yonder. Not to give our strength and conditioning coach any ideas but if we were to go outside and do conditioning drills sometime soon the whole team would most certainly suffocate to death…except maybe the Riverton, Illinois born Tisdale.
So I’m at home right now and enjoying this beautiful weather on the holiday weekend. I’m enjoying it while I can because come Sunday, this beautiful weather will be polluted with hundreds of thousands of fireworks to celebrate America’s 234th birthday. Nothing like killing the future so we can preserve the present. Let’s celebrate America’s birthday by blowing a small piece of her up…fantastic.
While I wasn’t lucky enough to sneak off to the lake (of the Ozarks) like everyone else I know, I’m making quite well here by myself. I’ve been hitting the pool, playing some XBOX, and achieving the impossible.
So I know you’re wondering how I might have managed that last one and before you get your panties all in a bunch I will tell you how I did it…in due time. It all started at the pool this weekend when I was doing some thinking and came up with the crazy idea to combine Michael Jordan and Jesus into one graceful, yet thunderous athletic accomplishment. I realize some Chicagoans might not see a difference in those two individuals and I can’t really blame them but all I ask for is them to see the difference for the rest of this blog post. I think they can handle it.
Like an achievement you strive for on your XBOX, it took the right mix of practice, skill, and a little bit of luck to get this right.
I call it the “Walk on Water Dunk”.
In words, I ran across the width of the pool (Jesus-esque) and dunked the ball in the hoop (MJ-esque) situated on the other side.
Here it is in pictures.
Okay, so I cheated...but just a little.
Friday, May 28, 2010
Realization: Boredom
Two hours since walking in the front door home and I was already asking myself the question, what the heck am I going to do while everyone is still in school? I'm not one to sleep in so it gives me about six hours of free time to fill with miscellaneous activities to occupy my time and stimulate my brain. I know coach would like me to be working out that whole time, but that's not quite realistic is it? Video games were fun for the first couple of days, but for me to get a challenging, competitive match on FIFA is harder than trying to find money in Eddy Curry's bank account. (Any challengers drop your gamer tag in a tweet mentioning my name or leave it in the comments section of this post and we'll play sometime.)
So I was in desperate need of a hobby, something to fill the void left within those six hours, until I had someone to play with. A couple of weeks ago I asked a question on my facebook page about what's a good television show I should start get caught up on. I was impressed by how many people commented and I appreciated the input, but I had already had a show in mind. I was just waiting for it to download. (A 35GB torrent takes a lot of time with a shaky internet connection). The show I picked was Lost, and by golly since then it has taken over my life.
I'm a crack addict on steroids when it comes to watching Lost. It took me a little under 48 hours to watch the complete first season. I was too embarrassed to do the math on how much watching that actually is.
The show is bloody brilliant (Sorry Charlie's accent is rubbing off on me) and I almost feel sorry for those who watched it week by week, when the episodes originally aired. The writers of this show are geniuses at creating cliff-hangers and if I had that much time in between each Lost fix, I would have given up a long time ago. That's the just addiction, it's like a book you cannot put down, you want to find the resolution to the questions left unanswered.
Pulling myself away from the television has been difficult, but the sun and the pool in my backyard has been really good in offering enticing bribes. Seriously, who can pass up a pool in the summertime?
So I was in desperate need of a hobby, something to fill the void left within those six hours, until I had someone to play with. A couple of weeks ago I asked a question on my facebook page about what's a good television show I should start get caught up on. I was impressed by how many people commented and I appreciated the input, but I had already had a show in mind. I was just waiting for it to download. (A 35GB torrent takes a lot of time with a shaky internet connection). The show I picked was Lost, and by golly since then it has taken over my life.
I'm a crack addict on steroids when it comes to watching Lost. It took me a little under 48 hours to watch the complete first season. I was too embarrassed to do the math on how much watching that actually is.
The show is bloody brilliant (Sorry Charlie's accent is rubbing off on me) and I almost feel sorry for those who watched it week by week, when the episodes originally aired. The writers of this show are geniuses at creating cliff-hangers and if I had that much time in between each Lost fix, I would have given up a long time ago. That's the just addiction, it's like a book you cannot put down, you want to find the resolution to the questions left unanswered.
Pulling myself away from the television has been difficult, but the sun and the pool in my backyard has been really good in offering enticing bribes. Seriously, who can pass up a pool in the summertime?
Wednesday, May 26, 2010
The Dentist
Never was a big fan of going to the dentist. All it feels like I get out of there is a set of bleeding gums and a tooth brush in an attempt to cheer me up afterwards. One thing I am glad about is how I grew out of having to bite into that foam fluoride stuff anymore. I used to have nightmares of having that flavored toothpaste being shoved down my throat. The worst part was afterwards you weren't supposed to eat or drink for 45 minutes and what made it even more terrible is my dentist is situated by some really delicious restaurants. So that's a plus. Also I don't know about you, but I think the high-powered specialized toothbrush the hygienist uses tickles like crazy. It was from her, my hygienist, and OMGFacts, that I learned you can in fact tickle yourself if you just rub your finger on the top of your mouth. (Please Advise: Wash hands first). Yeah I know it's weird but ever since I can remember I've been enamored with why you can't tickle yourself. Well now you can.
Aside from the giggles because of the tickles, it's not much fun after that. One of the things I hate about the dentist is the big, bright light they shine directly in front of your face. The whole time I'm sitting there I'm thinking, "Damn I really use a pair of UV protection sunglasses right now and a bottle of SPF 30 wouldn't hurt either." The tooth inspector I went to as a kid would let me wear sunglasses to block the light and as it turns out, I don't ever recall outgrowing sunglasses at any point in my life, so this is serving as my reminder to bring some with me next time. It'd actually just be easier if every dentist had a pair handy for any patients who asked for them. I don't care if they're Ray Bans or shutter shades, anything would help.
Another thing that annoys me about the dentist is this: You know the bib they wrap around your neck as you take a seat in the examination chair? I hate it when the hygienist wipes her utensils on my bib. Can't they get their own damn napkin to wipe the gunk off? I know it's my gunk on the instruments but it's the principle of the it that really bothers me. Just get your own handkerchief, k?
Aside from the giggles because of the tickles, it's not much fun after that. One of the things I hate about the dentist is the big, bright light they shine directly in front of your face. The whole time I'm sitting there I'm thinking, "Damn I really use a pair of UV protection sunglasses right now and a bottle of SPF 30 wouldn't hurt either." The tooth inspector I went to as a kid would let me wear sunglasses to block the light and as it turns out, I don't ever recall outgrowing sunglasses at any point in my life, so this is serving as my reminder to bring some with me next time. It'd actually just be easier if every dentist had a pair handy for any patients who asked for them. I don't care if they're Ray Bans or shutter shades, anything would help.
Another thing that annoys me about the dentist is this: You know the bib they wrap around your neck as you take a seat in the examination chair? I hate it when the hygienist wipes her utensils on my bib. Can't they get their own damn napkin to wipe the gunk off? I know it's my gunk on the instruments but it's the principle of the it that really bothers me. Just get your own handkerchief, k?
Tuesday, May 25, 2010
My Welcome Home
Summer is finally upon us and while most people who still can check mark the box beside "student" on government forms have roughly three months to sit around and do absolutely nothing productive, us college athletes have three glorious weeks (give or take three weeks) of lounge time before its stripped from us all over again. So excuse me for being rude Champaign when I burnt rubber out of there the instant my last final was over, driving as quickly as my 4-cylinder SUV would take me en route home...or to the Lou as some people would call it.
(Quick what are some other lame nicknames for cities. Here's the one's that I can think of off the top of my head.
H-Town - Houston
The A - Atlanta
Sac Town - Sacramento
Chambana - Champaign-Urbana
Oh yea I forgot, here's the close parenthesis)
Anyway, being home is totally fabulous. (Hard not to sound feminine when using totally and fabulous in the same sentence but yeah I said it). I forgot how nice it is to be cooked for every night, my laundry done for me every day, and to have a pantry stocked full of delectable goodies at my disposal whenever I feel like it. (Disposal is kind of a funny word to put there, because my mom is continually amazed at the amount of food I eat and sometimes can't keep up; even with a stocked pantry.) There's a catch though, to being home and having all this done for me. When going over the rules my parents drew up upon my birth I must have missed something in the fine print that said as soon as the first born leaves for college the rest of the children have the right to invade on the vacant-for-the-moment room. Therefore now I am stuck sharing a room with my nine year old brother, which used to be my sisters room, and my sisters took the rooms my brother and I left. Hopefully that made sense because I'm too upset to continue. Below, is a visual representation of what the room I used to call mine, looks like now.
This is the room that I'm sharing with my nine year old brother. I am not pleased.
In addition to not having a space to call my own, I had a hard time finding a place for my personal belongings, such as my computer. This is where my desktop currently sits, in the closet my brother and I share when I'm at home. Yes that is a card table and yes those are beanie babies in the background. I'm not claiming them to be mine but it's possible they were at one point in my life.
All images used by permission of the Griffey Family
Despite the outrageous sleeping arrangements in the Griffey household, I've been getting accustomed to doing nothing all day and kind of liking it. Every day I wake up, and ask my mom what we're going to do and she always responds with, "nothing." So I'd go workout, play some Xbox, and watch the clock tick until my brother would get home from school so we could play. Needless to say I was surprised when one day her response to that question was I had a dentist appointment.
(Quick what are some other lame nicknames for cities. Here's the one's that I can think of off the top of my head.
H-Town - Houston
The A - Atlanta
Sac Town - Sacramento
Chambana - Champaign-Urbana
Oh yea I forgot, here's the close parenthesis)
Anyway, being home is totally fabulous. (Hard not to sound feminine when using totally and fabulous in the same sentence but yeah I said it). I forgot how nice it is to be cooked for every night, my laundry done for me every day, and to have a pantry stocked full of delectable goodies at my disposal whenever I feel like it. (Disposal is kind of a funny word to put there, because my mom is continually amazed at the amount of food I eat and sometimes can't keep up; even with a stocked pantry.) There's a catch though, to being home and having all this done for me. When going over the rules my parents drew up upon my birth I must have missed something in the fine print that said as soon as the first born leaves for college the rest of the children have the right to invade on the vacant-for-the-moment room. Therefore now I am stuck sharing a room with my nine year old brother, which used to be my sisters room, and my sisters took the rooms my brother and I left. Hopefully that made sense because I'm too upset to continue. Below, is a visual representation of what the room I used to call mine, looks like now.
This is the room that I'm sharing with my nine year old brother. I am not pleased.
In addition to not having a space to call my own, I had a hard time finding a place for my personal belongings, such as my computer. This is where my desktop currently sits, in the closet my brother and I share when I'm at home. Yes that is a card table and yes those are beanie babies in the background. I'm not claiming them to be mine but it's possible they were at one point in my life.
All images used by permission of the Griffey Family
Despite the outrageous sleeping arrangements in the Griffey household, I've been getting accustomed to doing nothing all day and kind of liking it. Every day I wake up, and ask my mom what we're going to do and she always responds with, "nothing." So I'd go workout, play some Xbox, and watch the clock tick until my brother would get home from school so we could play. Needless to say I was surprised when one day her response to that question was I had a dentist appointment.
Thursday, May 6, 2010
The Players' Dictionary
When I joined the team last summer, it didn't take long for me to notice a new trend that was happening in my life. After each and every workout, practice or weights session, I would always find myself rushing to get home to hop on the computer, type in the URL for Urban Dictionary, and look up whatever new word was used by my teammates that day. Pickup games became a Cultural Studies class. I was the student, Chester, Mike D, and Dominique were the teachers. What I was observing everyday was a remarkable mixing of cultures, collision of backgrounds, and a general merging of geographical slang words from different places around the country. (I'm kind of disappointed we didn't have a foreign player to see what words he brought to the table). To make sense of it all, I wrote most of these words down in my own definitions in an easy-to-read format with examples for better understanding. Keeping this information to myself didn't feel right to me, so I am sharing it with you, right here, right now. I also do want to say that if it wasn't for Kyle Clifford, this post would have never happened.
Introducing the "Players" dictionary. A dictionary by yours truly to keep the world in order and confusion at a minimum.
***
Burner – Noun. Similar to in the video game NBA Jam when you make three shots in a row, you’re on fire. Ex. “Juan hasn’t missed a shot all day. He’s got a burner.”
Bounce - Adj. Describing someone's vertical leap. Ex. "Did you see where that dude jumped from? He got bounce!"
Chu – (Okay so "You" is a pronoun. "Chu" doesn't have a part of speech). – What you get when you don't fully pronounce the 3 letter word "you". Also the sound you make when you sneeze.
Me: Hey can you grab my wallet from the gym, I left it up there.
Anonymous: I got chu.
Crackin' - Adj. Describes an event that is particularly crowded with a hidden meaning that others should join.
Me: How's the party?
Anonymous: It's crackin'!! Sorority girls everywhere. Where you at?
Me: I'll be there in 2.
Fam – Noun. Word put at the end of a sentence or statement to someone that is either really close to you, or in your family. Ex. “What you doin’ tonight fam?”
Finna – Adv. Used as a connector word to explain what one is soon to do; Synonymous with ‘about’. Ex. I’m finna get some food then chill with my roommates.”
Foo – Adj. Thought to be short for “fool” but research is inconclusive. Ex. “You better watch yo’self foo!” 2. Can describe something dysfunctional, for example Jon and Kate Gosslin’s family matters. 3. Also used to describe something below an acceptable standard of quality or performance. Ex. “The Chicago Cubs are foo.”
G – Adj. Short for gangster or gangsta. Usually put at the end of verbal comments or remarks to add a connotation and a directed title to whomever the speaker is referring to. From my understanding a synonym would be dude.
Anonymous: Wud up G?
Me: Was that even English?
Jai – Adv. A worded version of an exponent; used to drastically enhance the meaning of the word that immediately precedes it. Ex. School has been terrible lately, I’m jai excited for summer.”
Joint – Noun. NO, not drug paraphernalia. But in most cases I’ve seen, joint refers to an object that is about to be described, most likely a song or movie.
Me: Have you heard the new Eminem song?
Anonymous: Yeah dude that joint rock!
Nun (None), Pause, no homo – Noun. Used as an escape word after saying something that could have homosexual meanings when not intending to. In other words ruling out the homosexual context of something said to another man. Ex. I’ve been in the gym all day working on my ball handling, PAUSE!”
O.C. – Adj. Most often used as a verbal acronym with a literal meaning of ‘Out of Control’ [Outta Control]. Ex. Tiger Woods sex addiction was O.C.
On Deck – Phrase meaning what is coming up next. Pretty self-explanatory but you've ever watched a baseball game in your life but figured I should include it.
Salty - Adj. Meaning not very happy. Pissed off. Ex. The teacher gave a pop quiz and you showed up late to class. You're salty.
Tough – Adj. Another word to indicate approval or admiration. Ex. “This iPad is tough!” Synonym with other slang words that mean approval: cool, sweet, tight, sick, awesome, etc.
(The word document I was typing this in had so many red squiggly lines I felt my work had been graded by a 3 year-old.)
Introducing the "Players" dictionary. A dictionary by yours truly to keep the world in order and confusion at a minimum.
***
Burner – Noun. Similar to in the video game NBA Jam when you make three shots in a row, you’re on fire. Ex. “Juan hasn’t missed a shot all day. He’s got a burner.”
Bounce - Adj. Describing someone's vertical leap. Ex. "Did you see where that dude jumped from? He got bounce!"
Chu – (Okay so "You" is a pronoun. "Chu" doesn't have a part of speech). – What you get when you don't fully pronounce the 3 letter word "you". Also the sound you make when you sneeze.
Me: Hey can you grab my wallet from the gym, I left it up there.
Anonymous: I got chu.
Crackin' - Adj. Describes an event that is particularly crowded with a hidden meaning that others should join.
Me: How's the party?
Anonymous: It's crackin'!! Sorority girls everywhere. Where you at?
Me: I'll be there in 2.
Fam – Noun. Word put at the end of a sentence or statement to someone that is either really close to you, or in your family. Ex. “What you doin’ tonight fam?”
Finna – Adv. Used as a connector word to explain what one is soon to do; Synonymous with ‘about’. Ex. I’m finna get some food then chill with my roommates.”
Foo – Adj. Thought to be short for “fool” but research is inconclusive. Ex. “You better watch yo’self foo!” 2. Can describe something dysfunctional, for example Jon and Kate Gosslin’s family matters. 3. Also used to describe something below an acceptable standard of quality or performance. Ex. “The Chicago Cubs are foo.”
G – Adj. Short for gangster or gangsta. Usually put at the end of verbal comments or remarks to add a connotation and a directed title to whomever the speaker is referring to. From my understanding a synonym would be dude.
Anonymous: Wud up G?
Me: Was that even English?
Jai – Adv. A worded version of an exponent; used to drastically enhance the meaning of the word that immediately precedes it. Ex. School has been terrible lately, I’m jai excited for summer.”
Joint – Noun. NO, not drug paraphernalia. But in most cases I’ve seen, joint refers to an object that is about to be described, most likely a song or movie.
Me: Have you heard the new Eminem song?
Anonymous: Yeah dude that joint rock!
Nun (None), Pause, no homo – Noun. Used as an escape word after saying something that could have homosexual meanings when not intending to. In other words ruling out the homosexual context of something said to another man. Ex. I’ve been in the gym all day working on my ball handling, PAUSE!”
O.C. – Adj. Most often used as a verbal acronym with a literal meaning of ‘Out of Control’ [Outta Control]. Ex. Tiger Woods sex addiction was O.C.
On Deck – Phrase meaning what is coming up next. Pretty self-explanatory but you've ever watched a baseball game in your life but figured I should include it.
Salty - Adj. Meaning not very happy. Pissed off. Ex. The teacher gave a pop quiz and you showed up late to class. You're salty.
Tough – Adj. Another word to indicate approval or admiration. Ex. “This iPad is tough!” Synonym with other slang words that mean approval: cool, sweet, tight, sick, awesome, etc.
(The word document I was typing this in had so many red squiggly lines I felt my work had been graded by a 3 year-old.)
Monday, April 19, 2010
Running From April
To whichever April I pissed off, I'm sorry for whatever I did to you, I truly am. I don't know what I could have done to cause you to act this harshly, but I'd greatly appreciate it if you left me, and particularly my face alone.
Love,
Tyler
***
I've had one hell of an month, and it's not even over so let's get right to it.
A week ago, I was perfectly happy with how my face looked. Around that same time, Mike Tisdale didn't. He didn't like it so much that he decided to take matters into his own elbows and give my face a little rearranging to his own liking. Introducing Dr. Mike Tisdale, top notch face rearranger, specializing with elbows.
Me and Mike are pretty good friends, he even took me to his house one time where he showed off his hunting gear and weapons. What he didn't show me was his bows. I was formally introduced last Monday.
Playing defense against Tisdale is like being on the defensive in a boxing match. Standing there, quick feet, bouncing around, head swinging but instead dodging an array of jabs and hay-makers, I'm dodging swinging elbows that can pack a punch ten times harder. (pun intended)
After my nose job, I met with my lawyers about the situation. I should have known by all the deer heads mounted on the wall at his house that it was only a matter of time before a misfire happened. I've decided to bring a lawsuit against Mr. Tisdale for assault with a lethal weapon. Them bows are deadly and I'm lucky to be alive. Pray for me when me and him are living together next year.
Just one short year ago, another unfortunate incident occurred, in the month of April, and coincidentally(not ironically) to one of my facial features. A long story short I fractured my jaw in early April, and had no idea till late April it was actually broken. (Almost 2 weeks went by with me not noticing a broken jaw in my face. I actually ate steak the night it happened and still didn't know...ouch) It took a regularly scheduled dentist appointment, despite much detest from my mother (because I was missing school at the time), to notice something was off. Dentist appointment was at 8am in the morning, he took one look at me and sent me to the Ortho by 10am. There they took some quick X-rays and I was at the REAL facial surgeon (sorry Tizzy) by 2pm. My mom met me there and quickly and unsympathetically apologized for the grief she was showing me just 6 hours earlier for missing school. I guess school is more important than living the last 2 weeks of my life with a broken bone in my face. By 4pm this same day, I woke up with 8 screws in my mouth and 4 wires going between them. My last meal was a single french fry from White Castle...I miss White Castle.
This is why I really don't like April. Do you know what happens in April/May for a high school senior? Graduation parties, prom, and graduation itself. Let's play the numbers game real fast,
Number of weeks wired shut - 6 weeks
Number of graduation parties where my meal was a smoothie - 13
Total net worth of gift cards I once owned from planet smoothie and cold stone - $125.00
Grams of liquid protein consumed - >10,000g
Amount of weight lost in first three days - 15lbs
Number of broken noses I’d get before I had to break my jaw again - 8
My meal at prom - mashed potatoes (not math, just thought you'd like to know)
Number of smiles I cracked during this memorable time in my life - negative
April once brought with her visions of pretty blossoming flowers and bright, sunny weather. Now that crazy b*t*ch won’t leave me alone.
Love,
Tyler
***
I've had one hell of an month, and it's not even over so let's get right to it.
A week ago, I was perfectly happy with how my face looked. Around that same time, Mike Tisdale didn't. He didn't like it so much that he decided to take matters into his own elbows and give my face a little rearranging to his own liking. Introducing Dr. Mike Tisdale, top notch face rearranger, specializing with elbows.
Me and Mike are pretty good friends, he even took me to his house one time where he showed off his hunting gear and weapons. What he didn't show me was his bows. I was formally introduced last Monday.
Playing defense against Tisdale is like being on the defensive in a boxing match. Standing there, quick feet, bouncing around, head swinging but instead dodging an array of jabs and hay-makers, I'm dodging swinging elbows that can pack a punch ten times harder. (pun intended)
After my nose job, I met with my lawyers about the situation. I should have known by all the deer heads mounted on the wall at his house that it was only a matter of time before a misfire happened. I've decided to bring a lawsuit against Mr. Tisdale for assault with a lethal weapon. Them bows are deadly and I'm lucky to be alive. Pray for me when me and him are living together next year.
Just one short year ago, another unfortunate incident occurred, in the month of April, and coincidentally(not ironically) to one of my facial features. A long story short I fractured my jaw in early April, and had no idea till late April it was actually broken. (Almost 2 weeks went by with me not noticing a broken jaw in my face. I actually ate steak the night it happened and still didn't know...ouch) It took a regularly scheduled dentist appointment, despite much detest from my mother (because I was missing school at the time), to notice something was off. Dentist appointment was at 8am in the morning, he took one look at me and sent me to the Ortho by 10am. There they took some quick X-rays and I was at the REAL facial surgeon (sorry Tizzy) by 2pm. My mom met me there and quickly and unsympathetically apologized for the grief she was showing me just 6 hours earlier for missing school. I guess school is more important than living the last 2 weeks of my life with a broken bone in my face. By 4pm this same day, I woke up with 8 screws in my mouth and 4 wires going between them. My last meal was a single french fry from White Castle...I miss White Castle.
This is why I really don't like April. Do you know what happens in April/May for a high school senior? Graduation parties, prom, and graduation itself. Let's play the numbers game real fast,
Number of weeks wired shut - 6 weeks
Number of graduation parties where my meal was a smoothie - 13
Total net worth of gift cards I once owned from planet smoothie and cold stone - $125.00
Grams of liquid protein consumed - >10,000g
Amount of weight lost in first three days - 15lbs
Number of broken noses I’d get before I had to break my jaw again - 8
My meal at prom - mashed potatoes (not math, just thought you'd like to know)
Number of smiles I cracked during this memorable time in my life - negative
April once brought with her visions of pretty blossoming flowers and bright, sunny weather. Now that crazy b*t*ch won’t leave me alone.
Thursday, April 1, 2010
Don't Call Me I'll Call You
Thomas Jefferson was one cool dude. Along with being one of the founding fathers of the greatest country in the world, he was also our 3rd president, the principle author of the Declaration of Independence, and our country's 1st Secretary of State. Pretty impressive, right ladies? Yeah I thought so too.
Well it turns out the ladies were even impressed back then and aside from being all those important professions mentioned above, Thomas Jefferson was indeed a ladies' man, and apparently a prominent one at that. In the wake of the recent Tiger Woods debacle, I was left wondering how the most famous athlete on the planet, one that's worth over a billion dollars, can get away with having multiple mistresses without being seen once by a fan, reporter, anyone who recognized him standing next to a woman that's not his wife. Regardless of who he had working with him, or who he paid off, that's an incredible feat in today's world.
Long ago, if Thomas Jefferson wanted to "holla" at one of his "shorties" (sorry my teammates everyday dialect is rubbing off on me) he would have had to send a very racy, and privately worded, telegram, or walk up to her and (gasp!) engage in conversation himself.
Today, Tiger could have communicated with his "bitties" (damn teammates) in multiple ways without leaving a trace of evidence or being suspected in anyway.
My point is in today's world, privacy is way undervalued and under-appreciated. Try this on for size...any of you familiar with the movie, "He's Just Not That Into You"? If so you'll recognize this quote, "I had this guy leave me a voice mail at work, so I called him at home, and then he e-mailed me to my Blackberry, so I texted to his cell, and now you just have to go around checking all these different portals just to get rejected by seven different technologies."
Now I'm not trying to be like Tiger, but in my personal opinion social networking and means of communication has gotten way out of hand, but still I cannot seem to stop. Wanna chat? Get ready. If you can't reach me at home try calling...or texting my cell, I always have it with me. Hell, if you want we can sext...I'm a sexting virgin, but I'm always looking for something new. If you can't do that, leave a voice mail, I'll get it eventually. If I know you professionally (professors), e-mail me. Of course I do have a personal e-mail account as well, multiple actually, but those are for signing up for the other social networking sites because they are required. Are you just a friend? Did I go to school with you? Do we know each other casually? Request to add me as a friend on facebook. I'll get it. Or Twitter. I tweet a lot, you can follow me and I can follow you. It'll be a blast. My latest tweet, "To the guy that discovered milk...what the hell was he doing with that cow?" Not into those things like twitter or facebook? (seriously who doesn't have a facebook)We can Skype. I just got a web cam, we can video chat, it's actually pretty cool once you figure it out and oh yeah I completely forgot...snail mail. I have a place called home, its got an address, just send me a letter...I love letters.
You can take a deep breath now.
And the funny thing is, with me being a college student, and pretty savvy with technology, if you "hit me up" (my teammates again, sorry) on any of these but the regular mail and my house phone, they come directly to my cell phone. All those means of communication, trapped into one device, that my Dad would say, "is constantly attached to my hip."
Cyberspace is an ever growing community. World Wide Web really does mean worldwide, and just not including ours. There's a whole universe out there of a different dimension that I bet all of you reading this are a part of. (Don't try to lie because I mean, you are reading this blog in some form of web browser.)
My only question is when will it end? The answer....probably never.
***
I guess I will take the time to give a shout out to all the managers of the basketball team this year. They help me make sense out of this world and I appreciate that...oh yea and they also rebounded a ton of shots of mine...thanks guys.
I also want to take this time to have a moment of silence for Chris Althoff's finger. Because as far as we can tell, his finger will never be the same.
He did this while helping me set up the shooting machine we have in the gym. This is a picture of it today, but it happened like two months ago. Sorry Chris!
Well it turns out the ladies were even impressed back then and aside from being all those important professions mentioned above, Thomas Jefferson was indeed a ladies' man, and apparently a prominent one at that. In the wake of the recent Tiger Woods debacle, I was left wondering how the most famous athlete on the planet, one that's worth over a billion dollars, can get away with having multiple mistresses without being seen once by a fan, reporter, anyone who recognized him standing next to a woman that's not his wife. Regardless of who he had working with him, or who he paid off, that's an incredible feat in today's world.
Long ago, if Thomas Jefferson wanted to "holla" at one of his "shorties" (sorry my teammates everyday dialect is rubbing off on me) he would have had to send a very racy, and privately worded, telegram, or walk up to her and (gasp!) engage in conversation himself.
Today, Tiger could have communicated with his "bitties" (damn teammates) in multiple ways without leaving a trace of evidence or being suspected in anyway.
My point is in today's world, privacy is way undervalued and under-appreciated. Try this on for size...any of you familiar with the movie, "He's Just Not That Into You"? If so you'll recognize this quote, "I had this guy leave me a voice mail at work, so I called him at home, and then he e-mailed me to my Blackberry, so I texted to his cell, and now you just have to go around checking all these different portals just to get rejected by seven different technologies."
Now I'm not trying to be like Tiger, but in my personal opinion social networking and means of communication has gotten way out of hand, but still I cannot seem to stop. Wanna chat? Get ready. If you can't reach me at home try calling...or texting my cell, I always have it with me. Hell, if you want we can sext...I'm a sexting virgin, but I'm always looking for something new. If you can't do that, leave a voice mail, I'll get it eventually. If I know you professionally (professors), e-mail me. Of course I do have a personal e-mail account as well, multiple actually, but those are for signing up for the other social networking sites because they are required. Are you just a friend? Did I go to school with you? Do we know each other casually? Request to add me as a friend on facebook. I'll get it. Or Twitter. I tweet a lot, you can follow me and I can follow you. It'll be a blast. My latest tweet, "To the guy that discovered milk...what the hell was he doing with that cow?" Not into those things like twitter or facebook? (seriously who doesn't have a facebook)We can Skype. I just got a web cam, we can video chat, it's actually pretty cool once you figure it out and oh yeah I completely forgot...snail mail. I have a place called home, its got an address, just send me a letter...I love letters.
You can take a deep breath now.
And the funny thing is, with me being a college student, and pretty savvy with technology, if you "hit me up" (my teammates again, sorry) on any of these but the regular mail and my house phone, they come directly to my cell phone. All those means of communication, trapped into one device, that my Dad would say, "is constantly attached to my hip."
Cyberspace is an ever growing community. World Wide Web really does mean worldwide, and just not including ours. There's a whole universe out there of a different dimension that I bet all of you reading this are a part of. (Don't try to lie because I mean, you are reading this blog in some form of web browser.)
My only question is when will it end? The answer....probably never.
***
I guess I will take the time to give a shout out to all the managers of the basketball team this year. They help me make sense out of this world and I appreciate that...oh yea and they also rebounded a ton of shots of mine...thanks guys.
I also want to take this time to have a moment of silence for Chris Althoff's finger. Because as far as we can tell, his finger will never be the same.
He did this while helping me set up the shooting machine we have in the gym. This is a picture of it today, but it happened like two months ago. Sorry Chris!
Wednesday, March 3, 2010
Olympic Fever
I go crazy for the Olympics, and I just can’t seem to put my finger on why. It doesn’t matter the sport, the time of year, or which underdeveloped country is getting slaughtered now, I’m in.
You can slap an American patch on any jersey of any athlete in the world and I would cheer for them. My overzealous pride for my country cannot be matched, as the same with my hatred for another shame of a country, a country that produced the most annoying and bothersome celebrities ever such as Alan Thicke, Shania Twain, and Celine Dion.
I love to root for the Olympic storylines that sweep America off their feet. I was on the edge of my seat every time Apolo Ohno skated, I kept an eye on the American hockey team as they came five minutes away from another miracle, and I was heartbroken when I heard of Lindsey Vonn’s crash.
I even learned of a new sport (game?) called curling and it was particularly interesting to me because it looked as if it took no athletic skill whatsoever to compete in and that’s my kind of game.
I also learned mom’s always do know best, but sometimes it can be in an unforeseen way. Many years ago when I was in my hyper active stage with ample amount of free time to cause destruction around the house, my mom would always punish me by making me do the one choir I hated the most, sweeping the kitchen floor. It wasn’t until just now did I realize that in fact, my mother was just giving me quality practice time to work on my sweeping skills so I could be a professional curler, in case basketball didn’t work out.
Seriously, I watched when that burly American, who would have looked better in a slow pitch softball game or a beer drinking contest, launched (curled?) his 4th consecutive unsuccessful game winner down the ice. Whoever coached this team obviously recruited the wrong type of players (sweepers?) This game (activity?) is more suited for the moms of Middle America than those lumberjack drunks from those states up north. Did anybody bring the latest issue of “Good Housekeeping” to Vancouver? Because I think it could have been helpful. At times, this sport looked more like a "Swiffer" commercial than an Olympic game.
You know, I bet I could have done better than those guys did. Heck, give me the Firebolt broomstick from Harry Potter and I could teach those curlers a lesson. So thanks Mom, for not only letting me follow my dream, but also giving me options to a backup plan in case the first one fell through. Love you!!
Never in my life, have I witnessed more hockey in a two week period that the one that just passed. Happy Gilmore would have been proud as I did whatever it took, to watch my precious hockey game.
The whole tournament was a piece of cake until at the very last second, when Sidney wanted to feed the inner “kid” in him and stole the last piece.
The Olympics have come and gone, but not without dreams being shattered and tears being shed. I guess I won’t be able to feel this proud to be an American for another two years…but wait a minute, what’s there to say we can’t have a fall Olympics or a Spring Olympics? What’s keeping professional Halo out of the Olympics or cup stacking? All in favor say, “I”
Of course, we do have the World Cup to look forward to. The highly anticipated rematch of the Revolutionary war of England and the USA is sure to be a dandy and I can't wait.
You can slap an American patch on any jersey of any athlete in the world and I would cheer for them. My overzealous pride for my country cannot be matched, as the same with my hatred for another shame of a country, a country that produced the most annoying and bothersome celebrities ever such as Alan Thicke, Shania Twain, and Celine Dion.
I love to root for the Olympic storylines that sweep America off their feet. I was on the edge of my seat every time Apolo Ohno skated, I kept an eye on the American hockey team as they came five minutes away from another miracle, and I was heartbroken when I heard of Lindsey Vonn’s crash.
I even learned of a new sport (game?) called curling and it was particularly interesting to me because it looked as if it took no athletic skill whatsoever to compete in and that’s my kind of game.
I also learned mom’s always do know best, but sometimes it can be in an unforeseen way. Many years ago when I was in my hyper active stage with ample amount of free time to cause destruction around the house, my mom would always punish me by making me do the one choir I hated the most, sweeping the kitchen floor. It wasn’t until just now did I realize that in fact, my mother was just giving me quality practice time to work on my sweeping skills so I could be a professional curler, in case basketball didn’t work out.
Seriously, I watched when that burly American, who would have looked better in a slow pitch softball game or a beer drinking contest, launched (curled?) his 4th consecutive unsuccessful game winner down the ice. Whoever coached this team obviously recruited the wrong type of players (sweepers?) This game (activity?) is more suited for the moms of Middle America than those lumberjack drunks from those states up north. Did anybody bring the latest issue of “Good Housekeeping” to Vancouver? Because I think it could have been helpful. At times, this sport looked more like a "Swiffer" commercial than an Olympic game.
You know, I bet I could have done better than those guys did. Heck, give me the Firebolt broomstick from Harry Potter and I could teach those curlers a lesson. So thanks Mom, for not only letting me follow my dream, but also giving me options to a backup plan in case the first one fell through. Love you!!
Never in my life, have I witnessed more hockey in a two week period that the one that just passed. Happy Gilmore would have been proud as I did whatever it took, to watch my precious hockey game.
The whole tournament was a piece of cake until at the very last second, when Sidney wanted to feed the inner “kid” in him and stole the last piece.
The Olympics have come and gone, but not without dreams being shattered and tears being shed. I guess I won’t be able to feel this proud to be an American for another two years…but wait a minute, what’s there to say we can’t have a fall Olympics or a Spring Olympics? What’s keeping professional Halo out of the Olympics or cup stacking? All in favor say, “I”
Of course, we do have the World Cup to look forward to. The highly anticipated rematch of the Revolutionary war of England and the USA is sure to be a dandy and I can't wait.
Thursday, February 18, 2010
Rambling
Since Tiger Woods decided to show his face in public again I figured it'd be a good time to come out from my hiding place as well. I can't tell you where I've been, it’s a secret, but it wasn't sex rehab. Personally I hope Tiger takes a page out of Allen Iverson’s book, and goes on a rant tomorrow at his press conference. "We talkin' about sex, not golf, sex. I'm supposed to be the number one golfer in the world and everyone’s worried about my sex life. C'mon man!"
That's an unlikely possibility, but he could also pull a Kobe and just bring his wife along with a $3 million dollar ring. The world is funny sometimes.
Here's to hoping The-Tiger-Woods-Press-Conference is a legit excuse to miss class tomorrow.....
Anyway, I've been busy, really busy. Lately, I've been putting a lot of time trying to improve my throwing-of-balls-through-hoops accuracy. Unfortunately, that comes before blogging, and school work comes before both. Ahh, school work is taking over my life, like literally. The lab I'm doing just gave me a death threat. If I do not survive, someone please tell the team to go on to Purdue without me.
Another reason I haven't posted in awhile is lack of material. Just a bunch of short quirks that are better suited for twitter than blogging, but anyway, here they are.
Speaking of materials...
Dear Materialism,
Stop taking all my money. I don't always have to own the newest, coolest gadget out there. Stop sending me that impulse that you get in the store that makes me an impulse buyer. I don't like that.
-Tyler
What happens when you put the dial for hot/air conditioning in your car directly at the top? What type of air blows out? Room temperature?
If you were to guess, how many Main Street, USAs are there? Your guess is as good as mine.
A lot of people obsess over getting acquainted with the newest trends. I obsess over bringing old trends back to life. This time? The regular, good-old school style handshake.
If light sabers were real, would my life be any different? How so?
^^Where do I come up with this stuff???^^
Does everybody really love Raymond or are they just joking?
My friend called and told me his birthday was the other day. He asked why he didn't receive a "Happy Birthday" from me. I responded with e-mail was down and facebook didn't remind me, sorry!!!
I absolutely love ketchup.....but hate tomatoes, V8 juice, and tomato soup. What gives?
Will Ferrell had so much potential, but was a complete bust in my mind. He had some great moments (Talladega nights, anchorman) but the rest was just stupid.
Whenever I'm driving on the highway in the rain I love saying out loud, "STOP" when I cross under an overpass. It feels like I can control the rain. Think this will Impress Emma Watson???
I don't think one person that's asked me to join their "lost phone, need numbers" group on facebook had my phone number in the first place.
You know what kills me? When I feel obligated to say, "Nice to meet you" when you first encounter with a person is ending. What if I didn't want to meet you? It’s that kind of stuff though you have to do if you want to stay alive.
So in Illinois it’s now illegal to view electronic devices and drive at the same time. Can I pull a citizen’s arrest every time I see a cop operating the laptop computer sitting in their passenger seat?
CBS should hire Kanye West to cut off announcers when they talk too much.
I figured out why mustache hair is different than most people’s hair color. The mustache hair is 20 years younger.
What happens if CBS were to ever cancel the show Survivor? The last season should be a cannibal edition, fight to the death, reality TV. That'd be awesome.
It’s weird that chairs even exist when you’re not sitting on them.
I have a friend that only calls me from the toilet. It’s weird I know but I haven't heard from him in awhile I hope he’s okay.
600. Now around 120. What am I talking about? The attendance the first day of class and the average ever since.
After writing this and looking around my apartment....I don't think I can take care of myself...
-TG
*****
What I learned: Tiger is a better golfer than he is actor.
What Tiger should have said: I fully blame NIKE for repeatedly telling me to, "Just Do It". Worst advice ever.
What should have happened: I should have been hired to write the Tiger apology. All he had to do was say he's sorry, blame NIKE, and remind everyone he's worth a billion dollars and the still the best golfer in the world.
My apology also would have included a lot of well placed Beeps and would have been no longer than a minute thirty.
That's an unlikely possibility, but he could also pull a Kobe and just bring his wife along with a $3 million dollar ring. The world is funny sometimes.
Here's to hoping The-Tiger-Woods-Press-Conference is a legit excuse to miss class tomorrow.....
Anyway, I've been busy, really busy. Lately, I've been putting a lot of time trying to improve my throwing-of-balls-through-hoops accuracy. Unfortunately, that comes before blogging, and school work comes before both. Ahh, school work is taking over my life, like literally. The lab I'm doing just gave me a death threat. If I do not survive, someone please tell the team to go on to Purdue without me.
Another reason I haven't posted in awhile is lack of material. Just a bunch of short quirks that are better suited for twitter than blogging, but anyway, here they are.
Speaking of materials...
Dear Materialism,
Stop taking all my money. I don't always have to own the newest, coolest gadget out there. Stop sending me that impulse that you get in the store that makes me an impulse buyer. I don't like that.
-Tyler
What happens when you put the dial for hot/air conditioning in your car directly at the top? What type of air blows out? Room temperature?
If you were to guess, how many Main Street, USAs are there? Your guess is as good as mine.
A lot of people obsess over getting acquainted with the newest trends. I obsess over bringing old trends back to life. This time? The regular, good-old school style handshake.
If light sabers were real, would my life be any different? How so?
^^Where do I come up with this stuff???^^
Does everybody really love Raymond or are they just joking?
My friend called and told me his birthday was the other day. He asked why he didn't receive a "Happy Birthday" from me. I responded with e-mail was down and facebook didn't remind me, sorry!!!
I absolutely love ketchup.....but hate tomatoes, V8 juice, and tomato soup. What gives?
Will Ferrell had so much potential, but was a complete bust in my mind. He had some great moments (Talladega nights, anchorman) but the rest was just stupid.
Whenever I'm driving on the highway in the rain I love saying out loud, "STOP" when I cross under an overpass. It feels like I can control the rain. Think this will Impress Emma Watson???
I don't think one person that's asked me to join their "lost phone, need numbers" group on facebook had my phone number in the first place.
You know what kills me? When I feel obligated to say, "Nice to meet you" when you first encounter with a person is ending. What if I didn't want to meet you? It’s that kind of stuff though you have to do if you want to stay alive.
So in Illinois it’s now illegal to view electronic devices and drive at the same time. Can I pull a citizen’s arrest every time I see a cop operating the laptop computer sitting in their passenger seat?
CBS should hire Kanye West to cut off announcers when they talk too much.
I figured out why mustache hair is different than most people’s hair color. The mustache hair is 20 years younger.
What happens if CBS were to ever cancel the show Survivor? The last season should be a cannibal edition, fight to the death, reality TV. That'd be awesome.
It’s weird that chairs even exist when you’re not sitting on them.
I have a friend that only calls me from the toilet. It’s weird I know but I haven't heard from him in awhile I hope he’s okay.
600. Now around 120. What am I talking about? The attendance the first day of class and the average ever since.
After writing this and looking around my apartment....I don't think I can take care of myself...
-TG
*****
What I learned: Tiger is a better golfer than he is actor.
What Tiger should have said: I fully blame NIKE for repeatedly telling me to, "Just Do It". Worst advice ever.
What should have happened: I should have been hired to write the Tiger apology. All he had to do was say he's sorry, blame NIKE, and remind everyone he's worth a billion dollars and the still the best golfer in the world.
My apology also would have included a lot of well placed Beeps and would have been no longer than a minute thirty.
Friday, January 29, 2010
Attack of the Killer Squirrel
You know those situations in life where, something just unexpectedly pops out at you at the most unsuspecting moment to make you jump or twitch in fear? I had one of those the other day, where a split second jolt of sheer terror flew through me so fast I almost crapped my pants.
It was a very relaxed midmorning so far and I had some time to kill in-between classes. I figured I had enough time to get a Subway sandwich and then drive back to my class early enough to get a good parking space, where I could sit and enjoy my sandwich in my car before class started. Once I parked my car, I had roughly thirty minutes to chill out and take pleasure in consuming my lunch and that’s exactly what I did. As I mentioned earlier, it was midmorning on a school day and campus was heavily congested with students and somehow, only me, sitting alone in my car, noticed a furry little squirrel climbing on the windshield of the car in front of me. Me being easily amused, I got a kick out of the situation so I took a picture with my phone because that’s not something you see every day. (This would have definitely been a Twitpic, had not been banned) After I took the picture, the squirrel jumped off the car and my thoughts concentrated back on my yummy snack.
A couple of minutes passed and all of a sudden, seemingly out of nowhere, this same squirrel decided to somehow climb onto the roof of my car, without me noticing, and hop down onto my shield of wind as well. All in a split seconds worth of time, I noticed the movement out of the corner of my eye and when I looked up to see what caused the movement; my eyes met the damn animal’s scurrying underside. (Don’t judge me when I say this as I just feel like mentioning this killer squirrel was without a doubt a male)
In that split second, a jolt of terror tore through my body, and immediately left me as a girly squeal as I tried to roll up my window so the damn thing couldn’t get inside to hurt me.
Within my act of flinching out of startling fright, I painfully rammed my knees into the steering wheel column and bumped my head on the roof all in a shower of fresh lettuce as my sandwich I had just been enjoying went airborne.
My breathing was rapid. My heart skipped a beat I will never get back. And worst of all, my sandwich and clean car were completely ruined. This is why I never watch scary movies. Who wants to sit in a dark movie theatre and watch people make a wrong turn into some woods and make very idiotic decisions? It’s just not fun.
*****
Please let me know your thoughts on this. Parts you don't understand, grammer mistakes, anything would be helpful, thanks
-TG
It was a very relaxed midmorning so far and I had some time to kill in-between classes. I figured I had enough time to get a Subway sandwich and then drive back to my class early enough to get a good parking space, where I could sit and enjoy my sandwich in my car before class started. Once I parked my car, I had roughly thirty minutes to chill out and take pleasure in consuming my lunch and that’s exactly what I did. As I mentioned earlier, it was midmorning on a school day and campus was heavily congested with students and somehow, only me, sitting alone in my car, noticed a furry little squirrel climbing on the windshield of the car in front of me. Me being easily amused, I got a kick out of the situation so I took a picture with my phone because that’s not something you see every day. (This would have definitely been a Twitpic, had not been banned) After I took the picture, the squirrel jumped off the car and my thoughts concentrated back on my yummy snack.
A couple of minutes passed and all of a sudden, seemingly out of nowhere, this same squirrel decided to somehow climb onto the roof of my car, without me noticing, and hop down onto my shield of wind as well. All in a split seconds worth of time, I noticed the movement out of the corner of my eye and when I looked up to see what caused the movement; my eyes met the damn animal’s scurrying underside. (Don’t judge me when I say this as I just feel like mentioning this killer squirrel was without a doubt a male)
In that split second, a jolt of terror tore through my body, and immediately left me as a girly squeal as I tried to roll up my window so the damn thing couldn’t get inside to hurt me.
Within my act of flinching out of startling fright, I painfully rammed my knees into the steering wheel column and bumped my head on the roof all in a shower of fresh lettuce as my sandwich I had just been enjoying went airborne.
My breathing was rapid. My heart skipped a beat I will never get back. And worst of all, my sandwich and clean car were completely ruined. This is why I never watch scary movies. Who wants to sit in a dark movie theatre and watch people make a wrong turn into some woods and make very idiotic decisions? It’s just not fun.
*****
Please let me know your thoughts on this. Parts you don't understand, grammer mistakes, anything would be helpful, thanks
-TG
Tuesday, January 19, 2010
If You Could Choose
If you had the chance to meet any one person, one human being (no biblical characters), past or present, who would it be? What would you discuss and why would you choose them? I’m talking about getting inside their heads, knowing their intentions and seeing what they're all about. Want to know who I’d choose?
Without a doubt, I would choose Leonardo Da Vinci hands down. Bet you didn’t see that coming. During school, whenever we talked about Da Vinci and his work, I was always intrigued by how someone could dream up theories and concepts years before the technology was even thought of. After half a semester of constantly falling asleep through AP European History in high school, it took a man like Da Vinci to spark my interest and wake me up. I marveled at how someone could envision modern day helicopters hundreds of years before the technology to build them, was even available. He also sketched the Vitruvian Man diagram, a cultural iconic symbol so innovative at the time we still use it today.
I hate that you can’t cite Wikipedia, but according to them Da Vinci was a painter, sculptor, architect, musician, scientist, mathematician, engineer, inventor, anatomist, geologist, botanist and writer. What I think is most impressive about this list is even through my 19 years of life on this earth I still do not know what a few of those mean. Add in that Da Vinci was doing them in the latter part of the 15th century and I live in the 21st century and I’m even more embarrassed.
I would sit down and ask him about the mysteries surrounding his most famous paintings, the Mona Lisa and The Last Supper. Few works have been subject to as much scrutiny, study, mythologizing, and parody as The Mona Lisa. I’d ask him the real meaning of the artwork and what he was trying to accomplish by painting it. I think it’s possible that his work has been overanalyzed through the years and therefore unintended symbolisms have been drawn out by people after Da Vinci’s time. It’s impossible to tell and nobody knows, but I’d like to find out.
Leonardo is also revered for his technological ingenuity. I would love to pick his brain and find out how he could construct and visualize designs not even feasible during his time. He conceptualized a helicopter, a tank, concentrated solar power, a calculator, the double hull and outlined a rudimentary theory of plate tectonics. Think about all the information, inventions, ideas, predictions, or artworks that he could create with the power of today’s world.
Honorable mention:
J.D. Salinger – Thoughts behind my favorite book of all-time “Catcher and the Rye”
Mark Twain – Who wouldn’t want to spend a day with Mark Twain?
George Washington – Ask for his thoughts on our government today? What is was like founding and writing a government for an entire country.
Adolf Hitler – I’d just ask why
Abe Lincoln – I’d ask about the Civil War, slavery, and his time as the President
Julius Ceaser – I’m not really familiar with Ceaser’s story but I wanted to choose someone from the Roman Empire times to see what that was all about.
Leave a comment and tell me who you would choose.
Without a doubt, I would choose Leonardo Da Vinci hands down. Bet you didn’t see that coming. During school, whenever we talked about Da Vinci and his work, I was always intrigued by how someone could dream up theories and concepts years before the technology was even thought of. After half a semester of constantly falling asleep through AP European History in high school, it took a man like Da Vinci to spark my interest and wake me up. I marveled at how someone could envision modern day helicopters hundreds of years before the technology to build them, was even available. He also sketched the Vitruvian Man diagram, a cultural iconic symbol so innovative at the time we still use it today.
I hate that you can’t cite Wikipedia, but according to them Da Vinci was a painter, sculptor, architect, musician, scientist, mathematician, engineer, inventor, anatomist, geologist, botanist and writer. What I think is most impressive about this list is even through my 19 years of life on this earth I still do not know what a few of those mean. Add in that Da Vinci was doing them in the latter part of the 15th century and I live in the 21st century and I’m even more embarrassed.
I would sit down and ask him about the mysteries surrounding his most famous paintings, the Mona Lisa and The Last Supper. Few works have been subject to as much scrutiny, study, mythologizing, and parody as The Mona Lisa. I’d ask him the real meaning of the artwork and what he was trying to accomplish by painting it. I think it’s possible that his work has been overanalyzed through the years and therefore unintended symbolisms have been drawn out by people after Da Vinci’s time. It’s impossible to tell and nobody knows, but I’d like to find out.
Leonardo is also revered for his technological ingenuity. I would love to pick his brain and find out how he could construct and visualize designs not even feasible during his time. He conceptualized a helicopter, a tank, concentrated solar power, a calculator, the double hull and outlined a rudimentary theory of plate tectonics. Think about all the information, inventions, ideas, predictions, or artworks that he could create with the power of today’s world.
Honorable mention:
J.D. Salinger – Thoughts behind my favorite book of all-time “Catcher and the Rye”
Mark Twain – Who wouldn’t want to spend a day with Mark Twain?
George Washington – Ask for his thoughts on our government today? What is was like founding and writing a government for an entire country.
Adolf Hitler – I’d just ask why
Abe Lincoln – I’d ask about the Civil War, slavery, and his time as the President
Julius Ceaser – I’m not really familiar with Ceaser’s story but I wanted to choose someone from the Roman Empire times to see what that was all about.
Leave a comment and tell me who you would choose.
Friday, January 8, 2010
Dirty Laundry 11
"If you would not be forgotten, as soon as you are dead and rotten, either write things worth reading, or do things worth the writing." ~ Ben Franklin
***
I wish I had thought of this. Some guy at http://1000awesomethings.com/ is reminding me, 1 day at a time, why life is awesome. Check it out.
***
Best advice ever given. Don't let school get in the way of your education.
I am declaring myself the Pete Rose of Twitter because I’ve been banned for life. I still check updates though and still get the feeling I can’t go to sleep until “goodnight” is a trending topic.
Monday is an unpleasant way to spend 14% of your life.
Whats the difference between questionable and probable on an injury list? I've also seen a player's appearance as doubtful.
The earth's like a billion years old. Celebrating every new year is a little redundant to me.
***
Why leave me a voicemail? I check my voicemail like once a month. If you need to talk to me, call again. If I want to talk to you, I’ll answer, or at least call you back. And if I call you and you answer the phone with a “Yellow!” instead of “Hello”, there’s a strong possibility I’ll never talk to you again, I’m not joking.
Went to the bowling alley the other day and noticed how the actual “bowling lanes” look perfectly polished and basically brand new, despite people chucking bowling balls down at them every single day. So what’s their secret? How do bowling alleys actually keep their lanes from getting dinks and scratches? All I know is my parents get pissed every time they find a new scratch on our hardwood floors so maybe they need to go to the local bowling alley to find out.
When I still lived at home and it was dinner time, instead of my mother yelling for me to come downstairs she’d call me on my cell phone.
Our family dog is named Rebound (not my idea), there’s got to be some humor in that, right?
Anyone else find that blue girl in Avatar somewhat attractive? I was so baffled by my feelings for her I went and saw the movie again. I've decided she is.
A Texas high school basketball team beat their opponent 170-35. When asked why he didn't pull his starters or stopped pressing, the winning coach responded with, "we were going for 200." My thoughts are that is awesome.
***
"I tried to walk into Target, but I missed. Damn."
“The thing about tennis is: No matter how much I play I’ll never be as good as a wall. They’re f**king relentless”
-Both of those from Mitch Hedberg
***
I wish I had thought of this. Some guy at http://1000awesomethings.com/ is reminding me, 1 day at a time, why life is awesome. Check it out.
***
Best advice ever given. Don't let school get in the way of your education.
I am declaring myself the Pete Rose of Twitter because I’ve been banned for life. I still check updates though and still get the feeling I can’t go to sleep until “goodnight” is a trending topic.
Monday is an unpleasant way to spend 14% of your life.
Whats the difference between questionable and probable on an injury list? I've also seen a player's appearance as doubtful.
The earth's like a billion years old. Celebrating every new year is a little redundant to me.
***
Why leave me a voicemail? I check my voicemail like once a month. If you need to talk to me, call again. If I want to talk to you, I’ll answer, or at least call you back. And if I call you and you answer the phone with a “Yellow!” instead of “Hello”, there’s a strong possibility I’ll never talk to you again, I’m not joking.
Went to the bowling alley the other day and noticed how the actual “bowling lanes” look perfectly polished and basically brand new, despite people chucking bowling balls down at them every single day. So what’s their secret? How do bowling alleys actually keep their lanes from getting dinks and scratches? All I know is my parents get pissed every time they find a new scratch on our hardwood floors so maybe they need to go to the local bowling alley to find out.
When I still lived at home and it was dinner time, instead of my mother yelling for me to come downstairs she’d call me on my cell phone.
Our family dog is named Rebound (not my idea), there’s got to be some humor in that, right?
Anyone else find that blue girl in Avatar somewhat attractive? I was so baffled by my feelings for her I went and saw the movie again. I've decided she is.
A Texas high school basketball team beat their opponent 170-35. When asked why he didn't pull his starters or stopped pressing, the winning coach responded with, "we were going for 200." My thoughts are that is awesome.
***
"I tried to walk into Target, but I missed. Damn."
“The thing about tennis is: No matter how much I play I’ll never be as good as a wall. They’re f**king relentless”
-Both of those from Mitch Hedberg
Sunday, January 3, 2010
Silly Santa
That Santa Claus is a clever man. This past Christmas he demonstrated why if the whole gift-giving thing didn’t work out, he could have been a starting pitcher for the New York Yankees because he threw me a curve ball that dipped so low even El Hombre couldn’t have seen it (And we Cardinals fans know that just isn’t possible). Not only did Santa deliver me my clone without me noticing for a couple days, he did so in a way unanticipated by all.
It was a gloomy Christmas morning when I realized I didn’t get what I asked for. All I wanted was a clone. Not some headphones, deodorant, or an Xbox game.
The Xbox game was EA’s (Electronic Arts) latest installment of their College Basketball series and I immediately didn’t think nothing of it because, I’ve been receiving that game for years now. What made this year’s special though is that I am actually in the game.
It isn’t the exact present I was asking for but in a way, one could see Santa’s ingenious thinking. A virtual version of me is better than nothing, right?
This is kind of like when I turned 16 and asked my grandma for a car and she deceitfully agreed. It’s not funny now and it wasn’t funny then when on my birthday she got me a Hot Wheels car and thought that would meet my requirements.
Anyway I’ve been playing the game for awhile now and I am in the middle of my lengthy but highly entertaining dynasty with the Fighting Illini. This is a game mode where I am in complete control of all aspects of the team. (I control the roster, game plan, scheduling and even recruiting) The first order of business was to reorder the roster to how I want it to be. As a gamer, I am notoriously known to make horrible use of my bench in sports games, so a flawless and absolute superior starting 5 is crucial to the success of my team. This is why I spent an elongated amount of time analyzing and justifying to myself which players needed to be in the lineup. Before I did anything, the first moves I made were to redshirt Joe, and to cut Alex because he would be transferring soon anyway.
Naturally, since I’m me and me is actually in the game, I had to start no questions asked. The only debate was to what position I would play me at? Given that I had already boosted my ratings to what I believe realistic (by default I’m rated a 74 player, but after some excellent coaching by yours truly, I raised myself to an 85 overall) I could play any position. My finalized starting 5 is 1. Demetri 2. Brandon 3. Mike D. 4. Me 5. Mike T.
My game plan is simple, give the ball to me, every single possession and good things will happen. I am currently averaging 25.5 points, 5 rebounds, and 8 assists per game. Anyone who’s ever played a basketball video game would know that it’s really tough to control rebounds when getting assists is much easier. That’s why I think I confuse the game into making virtual me a very strong candidate for the Player of the Year award. The game recognizes my 25 points and 8 assists, and then they see I’m doing it from the power forward position and it confuses them. Then they must have to think, “Yeah, this kid’s good.”
Since I made myself one of the best players in the nation, I mean game; it’s a pretty logical concept. And since I’m a pretty good team player/coach/gamer I make sure my teammates get their looks too.
All the players are averaging over 6 points, Tisdale leading the country with 14 boards a contest, and Brandon and Mike Davis are up there in shooting percentage.
Since it’s a virtually created atmosphere, I can tell when the crowd is pumped up and when the player will make the next shot. That’s why I have Brandon and Mike Davis go stand in the corner and wait till the crowd gets pumped to get them a shot. It works every time and they are both good for at least three 3’s a game. Tisdale just cleans up all of my misses, hence the absurd 14 rebounds a game, and McCamey is usually good for 2 or 3 fast break layups a game as well. The rest is all me slicin’ and dicin’ my way to my average, and dropping dimes like I’m the white Chris Paul. My game plan is pretty much fail proof and is the reason why my current record is 14-1. The one loss came from an accidental simulation of the game at Indiana but oh well, I’ll recover.
My team is well on their way to a Big Ten championship and a NCAA tournament appearance. Barring no simulated injuries or other freak accidents (Ex. losing all saved data) we should be the favorites to win the National title and for me to be Player of the Year and that would make me really happy.
It was a gloomy Christmas morning when I realized I didn’t get what I asked for. All I wanted was a clone. Not some headphones, deodorant, or an Xbox game.
The Xbox game was EA’s (Electronic Arts) latest installment of their College Basketball series and I immediately didn’t think nothing of it because, I’ve been receiving that game for years now. What made this year’s special though is that I am actually in the game.
It isn’t the exact present I was asking for but in a way, one could see Santa’s ingenious thinking. A virtual version of me is better than nothing, right?
This is kind of like when I turned 16 and asked my grandma for a car and she deceitfully agreed. It’s not funny now and it wasn’t funny then when on my birthday she got me a Hot Wheels car and thought that would meet my requirements.
Anyway I’ve been playing the game for awhile now and I am in the middle of my lengthy but highly entertaining dynasty with the Fighting Illini. This is a game mode where I am in complete control of all aspects of the team. (I control the roster, game plan, scheduling and even recruiting) The first order of business was to reorder the roster to how I want it to be. As a gamer, I am notoriously known to make horrible use of my bench in sports games, so a flawless and absolute superior starting 5 is crucial to the success of my team. This is why I spent an elongated amount of time analyzing and justifying to myself which players needed to be in the lineup. Before I did anything, the first moves I made were to redshirt Joe, and to cut Alex because he would be transferring soon anyway.
Naturally, since I’m me and me is actually in the game, I had to start no questions asked. The only debate was to what position I would play me at? Given that I had already boosted my ratings to what I believe realistic (by default I’m rated a 74 player, but after some excellent coaching by yours truly, I raised myself to an 85 overall) I could play any position. My finalized starting 5 is 1. Demetri 2. Brandon 3. Mike D. 4. Me 5. Mike T.
My game plan is simple, give the ball to me, every single possession and good things will happen. I am currently averaging 25.5 points, 5 rebounds, and 8 assists per game. Anyone who’s ever played a basketball video game would know that it’s really tough to control rebounds when getting assists is much easier. That’s why I think I confuse the game into making virtual me a very strong candidate for the Player of the Year award. The game recognizes my 25 points and 8 assists, and then they see I’m doing it from the power forward position and it confuses them. Then they must have to think, “Yeah, this kid’s good.”
Since I made myself one of the best players in the nation, I mean game; it’s a pretty logical concept. And since I’m a pretty good team player/coach/gamer I make sure my teammates get their looks too.
All the players are averaging over 6 points, Tisdale leading the country with 14 boards a contest, and Brandon and Mike Davis are up there in shooting percentage.
Since it’s a virtually created atmosphere, I can tell when the crowd is pumped up and when the player will make the next shot. That’s why I have Brandon and Mike Davis go stand in the corner and wait till the crowd gets pumped to get them a shot. It works every time and they are both good for at least three 3’s a game. Tisdale just cleans up all of my misses, hence the absurd 14 rebounds a game, and McCamey is usually good for 2 or 3 fast break layups a game as well. The rest is all me slicin’ and dicin’ my way to my average, and dropping dimes like I’m the white Chris Paul. My game plan is pretty much fail proof and is the reason why my current record is 14-1. The one loss came from an accidental simulation of the game at Indiana but oh well, I’ll recover.
My team is well on their way to a Big Ten championship and a NCAA tournament appearance. Barring no simulated injuries or other freak accidents (Ex. losing all saved data) we should be the favorites to win the National title and for me to be Player of the Year and that would make me really happy.
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