Any Given Sunday

Another Sunday has come and gone and as usual, I was found sitting in front of the TV, enjoying an assortment of finger foods and snacks while watching football (other than worship, what else is Sunday good for?). I feel it’s also worth noting that Sports Center finally went back to reviewing the other sports this weekend. It was the first time in a week that they showed only about 20% of Tiger Woods compared to the 90% it was the last week. I heard he got fined $167.00 dollars. Does Tiger even carry bills that low? I bet he has that in his car’s cup holder.

I’m a long time NFL fan, but not die-hard mind you. I know enough to know what’s going on; yet only watch the more entertaining teams and my beloved Cowboys. I like to follow a few marquee players like the Manning brothers, Giselle Bundchen's husband, and the grocer turned hall of famer, Kurt Warner. And also the really entertaining players like Terrell Owens and Chad Ochocinco. (I heard a rumor that Chad was thinking about changing his last name to Childplease. That would be awesome.)

Since I have gotten a twitter account, Ochocinco has quickly and effectively moved up to one of my favorite players. On his twitter, he posts where he will be eating lunch at that day, and he offers to the first 50 people to show up, lunch is on him. He also does this for movies and such, offering to pay for any fans wearing a Ochocinco jersey. I think that is a pretty unique way to connect with his fan base, and therefore has my approval and willingness to put him in my top 5 favorite players.

Speaking of sports, wouldn’t it be a lot cooler if they allowed the actual team mascot to participate in the actual game? For example, the Chicago Bears could have a 650-lbs grizzly bear playing linebacker and the New York Giants would be unstoppable with their 10-foot tall running back. What else would be cool is if the Dallas Cowboys could have a bunch of actual Cowboys running around and the Washington Redskins could have a bunch of Indians. If they were ever to play each other, it would be like a new school version of the old school game cowboys and Indians. (The Cowboys shotgun offense would be the most feared offense in the league, don’t you think?) This would be really cool unless you were the Miami Dolphins or the Arizona Cardinals, haha.

Also, more on team names, given the way how corporations are buying the naming rights of stadiums and arenas (Landshark stadium, the Honda Center) I think we aren’t far off from teams being named for the corporations they represent instead of the location. So like, instead of the Dallas Cowboys, it would be the Chevy Cowboys and the Sony Seahawks instead of the Seattle Seahawks.

Some would even make a lot of sense, like having a Stanley Cup Final with the American Airlines Flyers (Philadelphia) and the Mrs. Butterworth Maple Leafs (Toronto). (Authors note: I do realize these teams are in the same conference. You suck for noticing that if you did.)

Another thing about sports is I don’t understand all the die-hard fans out there for certain teams. So what if your team of choice wins a championship? Now what? The most you get out of your team winning the big one is maybe a week’s worth of bragging rights and justification for wearing the old smelly jersey or hat you parade around town with. (You do realize this is a clever marketing ploy by the team to get YOU to pay for THEIR advertising, right?) Unless you’re on the team or somehow related to a team member or if you’re in team management, you shouldn’t be all that excited when it comes to a sports team. It makes you look kind of stupid. (There are a few exceptions with this, and I’ll get to those at the end) The other night I was enjoying my wings at the famous B Dubs (Buffalo Wild Wings) during the Big 12 Championship between Nebraska and Texas. Sitting in a table beside us, a group of college-aged friends were gathered around some wings and berry lemonades with one of them being an obvious Texas football fan. (as if the old dirty jersey, the worn out hat, and him yelling obscenities and the TV during the second half weren’t enough convincing). If you recall, Texas won this game, but only after their Heisman candidate quarterback almost threw the game away, literally. Within field goal range, and only seconds remaining, Colt McCoy dropped back to pass and threw the ball out of bounds in hopes of stopping the clock. The only problem was the ball landed with like .000001 seconds left and after a review, the officials allowed Texas to kick the season-saving field goal to win the game.

You should have seen the shenanigans this Texan was pulling. During that final play, he jumped out of his chair in a fit of fury knocking over his berry lemonade in the process and began pacing the room; muttering a dangerous array of curse words in the crowded restaurant. (I know his drink of choice because I had one myself and it was delicious) He didn’t seem to care about the rainbow colored stain on the crotch of his jeans as he was too busy cursing out the quarterback, the coach, the kid who stole his lunch money in first grade, the sensible Nebraska fan at the bar, and anybody else who got in the way. I won’t share the plethora of curse words he was muttering, but I did see the look on one mother’s face that was of the utmost disgust, almost daring him to come closer and get into ear-shot of her little tykes playing the trivia. I’m just glad Texas came back and won to restore all order in this dudes world. For a second, it looked like suicide had entered his mind and nobody would have wanted that.

Back to my point, why on earth would anyone act like this? Ah it just doesn’t make sense to me, but wait, the exceptions. Here they are.

First, the people who dress up at the Raiders game are the coolest fans ever. My uncle is a former Los Angeles Raider and he said those were the meanest, grittiest fans ever.

Second, it’s okay to act like that if you have a great deal of money on the game. Even though it is only legal to gamble in 2% of the United States, illegal gambling accounts for 98% of all gambling and its illegal for me so were going to leave this subject at once.

Third, it’s obviously okay to act crazy and to be in love with a sports team if you’re an illini fan. For those of you who didn’t see this coming shame on you.