Monday, December 14, 2009

Dirty Laundry 10 "Cleaning Out The Notebook"

Dear mom,

Thank you for doing my laundry for all those 18 years of my life. I now realize what a pain in the a$$ it is. Someday in the near future I’m going to have to stop going to Wal-Mart to keep buying new socks, boxers, and undershirts. I don’t know what I would have done without you.

P.S. Special thanks to my sister (Brenna) for helping out with the laundry the last couple of years of the 18.

-Love Tyler.

NOW HIRING: Someone to do my laundry. E-mail me for details.


Some things that I recall from my flight to Las Vegas over Thanksgiving weekend,
36 inches- The approximate height Mike Tisdale had to duck to fit into the on-flight bathroom. To this day I don’t know how he did it.
4-Number of times I flipped through SkyMall magazine
100%-Percentage of items in SkyMall magazine that I really want but don’t really need.

It’s a really awkward feeling when you’re sitting in an aisle seat on a plane, and you’re watching a movie and a lady walks down the aisle every time there’s a “love scene”


Found some money on the ground the other day and in the time after I saw it and before I picked it up I heard the music from the Gieco commercials playing in my head. Yes it was as awesome as it sounds.

Why do doctors call what they do a practice?

If MySpace made every girl think they’re a model, Twitter is going to make every girl think they are popular.

Why is abbreviation such a long word?

As I said before, I never repeat myself.


I think I have this whole college dating thing figured out. Here’s the perfect date. First, since you’re in college and you don’t have a car, walk to her dorm. Attention: flowers optional but recommended. Next, walk her down to dinner and since meals are already prepaid, use your iCard to swipe you both in. After that, grab a tray, get some food, and sit yourselves down at an empty table. After dinner, take her to your room, pop in a movie, and your all set. When the movies over, or should I say you’re finished, you can walk her back to her room. This is too easy.

“I think you’re delusional because I distinctly remember crossing you over, putting it between my legs, stepping back, screaming ‘seeee yaaaa’ as I released it and sure enough, boom trey bomb in ya grill.” – Actual quote said by me after practice one day directly to a teammate that shall remain unknown.

I don’t understand the association between quitting and frozen turkey? Like the saying, “I quit smoking cold turkey.” I don’t get it.

People are so inconsiderate these days. I was raised to hold the door open for someone behind you, or move out the way when I’m in the way. If someone does something for me, whether they were required to or not, I say “thank you”. I wish someone would return the favor…


Sometimes in practice, we do competitive drills where Coach has special rules to help us work on what he is teaching us. For example, some of the rules are you can’t dribble, you have to get a post touch before you shoot, or you can only shoot layups. The other day, during a competitive four on four game where the rule is no jump shots only layups, I found myself receiving the ball about two feet away from the block. Before I remembered I could only lay it in, my basketball IQ told me the most successful shot in this situation would be my patented jump hook. As the ball is in my right hand about to be released in jump hook form, I remembered coach’s words and in mid-air/mid-hook, I tried to be like Jordan (Mike not Jeff) and switch the ball into my left hand to attempt to lay it in. I obviously didn’t muster enough strength after the pinnacle of my leap had already taken place, so my pathetic lay in was dreadfully short and immediately erased by an opposing team member. Oh well, I guess better luck next time.


"If you did not write every day, the poisons would accumulate and you would begin to die, or act crazy or both -- you must stay drunk on writing so reality cannot destroy you." - Ray Bradbury

"Why say the sky is the limit, when there are footprints on the moon?"


Corny jokes I stole from my corny jokes website

What do you call a cow with no legs?
-Ground beef
How can you have bread if you are on a liquid diet?
-Drink a toast
What do you get from a pampered cow?
-Spoiled milk
How did Michael Jackson pick his nose?
-From a catalog


  1. Never pick up money off the ground. It could be a pooh dollar!

  2. First off good as usual and i totally agree about laundry, its a bitch! Secondly, Skymall is the shit!

  3. 1. Laundry is easy.

    2. You could be more creative with the girls you date. Girls get sick of doing the same thing with every guy they go out with. Trust me.

    3. I always say thank you.

  4. very impressed with your writing and ability to tell a story. Well done

  5. The perfect date is one where you go home smiling.

    What happens if you date a girl that doesn't live in a dorm (sorority house? apt?)?

    P.S. I read Dandelion Wine every summer. It is one of my favorite books. Go R.B. !

  6. Griff- I think this kimcerf lady is trying to entise you, my friend. Say thank you.

  7. Hahahaha, not at all, thanks.

    I'm just adding a sensible female point of view.

  8. Kim, you need to enable commenting on your blog so I dont have to here but, your stealing my material and I'm convinced. Also why does Tis look like a monkey???

  9. Commenting is enabled, turd. I had all of these already written, so I'm sure I can't have stolen them.

    And seriously?! Look at him. MONKEY.