Sunday, July 25, 2010

Dirty Laundry 12

Remember, Dirty Laundry is my set aside place for all the information floating inside my brain that I deem not important enough to have its own post but still relevant enough to be posted.

So here we go.

Recently I ordered a club sandwich at a fancy restaurant. In order for the club sandwich to meet my personal specifications, this is what needed to be done. Instead of white bread, I asked for wheat. And I'm certainly not a fan of mayo so I exchanged that for mustard. I also added bacon and instead of Swiss cheese, I substituted in cheddar. After all these modifications, is my club sandwich a part of the club anymore?

After Lost, my newest TV adventure is following Jack Bauer save the world in the show 24. Am I really supposed to believe this guy saves the world on nine different occasions?

Why do bad guys on television or in the movies have really bad aim when it comes to killing the main character but demonstrate a near flawless ability to shoot the other characters throughout the rest of the film?

I found myself watching the WNBA the other day.  Seriously, I'm convinced if you teach a girl how to pivot at a young age, she'll be a freaking All-American.

Premature joculation: The act of celebrating an event before the outcome has been determined. Usually results in one looking like a moron.

Last week, one of my sisters was at Mizzou volleyball camp and the other here with me at Illinois volleyball camp.  Someday, the alliances in the Griffey household could very well be divided.  

Apple is releasing a special edition LeBron James iPhone but the problem is it only vibrates because it has no RING!

I feel bad for weather forecasters in the Midwest and whoever replaces Lou Piniella.  I wouldn't want those jobs.

If you have some time to kill, which you probably do because you're reading this, check out this article written by Paul Shirley.  It's about life and the NBA. 

Jaw-breakers is an awful name for a yummy fruit flavored treat.

What would happen if a tornado actually occurred on the first Tuesday of the month?

Did you know every time the Droid phone commercial airs George Lucas gets paid? He cleverly copyrighted the word "Droid".

Beats by Dre.  A surround-sound stereo system you can wear as headgear.  For those of you who want to impair your hearing while others who are 20 feet away enjoy at a normal decibel level.  Whenever I left my iPod on team trips, Mike always had my back and let me listen to his...while I was 5 rows in front of him.  Doesn't Dr. Dre know that if his customers go deaf no one will be able to listen to his music?

Saturday, July 3, 2010

Manure, Fireworks, and Greatness

For the first time in three weeks, I woke up this morning and didn’t gag/choke/almost regurgitate after I took my first breath of air in the morning. No today I took a deep breath, inhaled, exhaled, and then smiled. This can mean only one thing…I’m not in Champaign anymore.

Not only am I taking a weekend off after a strenuous three weeks of vigorous training, elite-level basketball, and laborious weightlifting, but I’m also escaping the dreadful stench of cow poop that’s surrounding our beloved campus. Why didn’t anyone mention this before I chose to come to school here? Juuuuust kiddingggg.

I’ve heard that our agricultural school is really respected around the country; ranked in the top 25 or something like that. Did they base the rankings on which campus most smelled like pig, cow and horse manure? I don’t even know where the agricultural buildings are, but all I have to do is follow the stink.

Well actually, I do have some sort of idea. Lying on the other side of the street across from our practice facility is a mess of horse stables, pig pens, and cow pastures down yonder. Not to give our strength and conditioning coach any ideas but if we were to go outside and do conditioning drills sometime soon the whole team would most certainly suffocate to death…except maybe the Riverton, Illinois born Tisdale.

So I’m at home right now and enjoying this beautiful weather on the holiday weekend. I’m enjoying it while I can because come Sunday, this beautiful weather will be polluted with hundreds of thousands of fireworks to celebrate America’s 234th birthday. Nothing like killing the future so we can preserve the present. Let’s celebrate America’s birthday by blowing a small piece of her up…fantastic.

While I wasn’t lucky enough to sneak off to the lake (of the Ozarks) like everyone else I know, I’m making quite well here by myself. I’ve been hitting the pool, playing some XBOX, and achieving the impossible.

So I know you’re wondering how I might have managed that last one and before you get your panties all in a bunch I will tell you how I did it…in due time. It all started at the pool this weekend when I was doing some thinking and came up with the crazy idea to combine Michael Jordan and Jesus into one graceful, yet thunderous athletic accomplishment. I realize some Chicagoans might not see a difference in those two individuals and I can’t really blame them but all I ask for is them to see the difference for the rest of this blog post. I think they can handle it.

Like an achievement you strive for on your XBOX, it took the right mix of practice, skill, and a little bit of luck to get this right.

I call it the “Walk on Water Dunk”.

In words, I ran across the width of the pool (Jesus-esque) and dunked the ball in the hoop (MJ-esque) situated on the other side.

Here it is in pictures.

Okay, so I cheated...but just a little.