Saturday, July 3, 2010

Manure, Fireworks, and Greatness

For the first time in three weeks, I woke up this morning and didn’t gag/choke/almost regurgitate after I took my first breath of air in the morning. No today I took a deep breath, inhaled, exhaled, and then smiled. This can mean only one thing…I’m not in Champaign anymore.

Not only am I taking a weekend off after a strenuous three weeks of vigorous training, elite-level basketball, and laborious weightlifting, but I’m also escaping the dreadful stench of cow poop that’s surrounding our beloved campus. Why didn’t anyone mention this before I chose to come to school here? Juuuuust kiddingggg.

I’ve heard that our agricultural school is really respected around the country; ranked in the top 25 or something like that. Did they base the rankings on which campus most smelled like pig, cow and horse manure? I don’t even know where the agricultural buildings are, but all I have to do is follow the stink.

Well actually, I do have some sort of idea. Lying on the other side of the street across from our practice facility is a mess of horse stables, pig pens, and cow pastures down yonder. Not to give our strength and conditioning coach any ideas but if we were to go outside and do conditioning drills sometime soon the whole team would most certainly suffocate to death…except maybe the Riverton, Illinois born Tisdale.

So I’m at home right now and enjoying this beautiful weather on the holiday weekend. I’m enjoying it while I can because come Sunday, this beautiful weather will be polluted with hundreds of thousands of fireworks to celebrate America’s 234th birthday. Nothing like killing the future so we can preserve the present. Let’s celebrate America’s birthday by blowing a small piece of her up…fantastic.

While I wasn’t lucky enough to sneak off to the lake (of the Ozarks) like everyone else I know, I’m making quite well here by myself. I’ve been hitting the pool, playing some XBOX, and achieving the impossible.

So I know you’re wondering how I might have managed that last one and before you get your panties all in a bunch I will tell you how I did it…in due time. It all started at the pool this weekend when I was doing some thinking and came up with the crazy idea to combine Michael Jordan and Jesus into one graceful, yet thunderous athletic accomplishment. I realize some Chicagoans might not see a difference in those two individuals and I can’t really blame them but all I ask for is them to see the difference for the rest of this blog post. I think they can handle it.

Like an achievement you strive for on your XBOX, it took the right mix of practice, skill, and a little bit of luck to get this right.

I call it the “Walk on Water Dunk”.

In words, I ran across the width of the pool (Jesus-esque) and dunked the ball in the hoop (MJ-esque) situated on the other side.

Here it is in pictures.

Okay, so I cheated...but just a little.


  1. Did you know the Agr buildings used to be right on the quad so they used to have the cows and pigs just roaming the grass. I'm sure it smelled worse back then! and PS. That's a badass move. :)


  2. Nice move in the pool! Hope you try that on the court against some Big Ten foes this season.

    I graduated from U of I back in '01, so I know all about the stench you describe. My dad's a farmer and always has a quick retort whenever my siblings or I would complain about the stench: "Smells like money." (Because, as everyone knows, money smells like poop!)

    - Nick

  3. ur right man it literally smells like a pig orgy next to ubben

  4. Thanks, Tyler, good read. Is that your Mom in the first pic?