Friday, January 29, 2010

Attack of the Killer Squirrel

You know those situations in life where, something just unexpectedly pops out at you at the most unsuspecting moment to make you jump or twitch in fear? I had one of those the other day, where a split second jolt of sheer terror flew through me so fast I almost crapped my pants.

It was a very relaxed midmorning so far and I had some time to kill in-between classes. I figured I had enough time to get a Subway sandwich and then drive back to my class early enough to get a good parking space, where I could sit and enjoy my sandwich in my car before class started. Once I parked my car, I had roughly thirty minutes to chill out and take pleasure in consuming my lunch and that’s exactly what I did. As I mentioned earlier, it was midmorning on a school day and campus was heavily congested with students and somehow, only me, sitting alone in my car, noticed a furry little squirrel climbing on the windshield of the car in front of me. Me being easily amused, I got a kick out of the situation so I took a picture with my phone because that’s not something you see every day. (This would have definitely been a Twitpic, had not been banned) After I took the picture, the squirrel jumped off the car and my thoughts concentrated back on my yummy snack.

A couple of minutes passed and all of a sudden, seemingly out of nowhere, this same squirrel decided to somehow climb onto the roof of my car, without me noticing, and hop down onto my shield of wind as well. All in a split seconds worth of time, I noticed the movement out of the corner of my eye and when I looked up to see what caused the movement; my eyes met the damn animal’s scurrying underside. (Don’t judge me when I say this as I just feel like mentioning this killer squirrel was without a doubt a male)

In that split second, a jolt of terror tore through my body, and immediately left me as a girly squeal as I tried to roll up my window so the damn thing couldn’t get inside to hurt me.

Within my act of flinching out of startling fright, I painfully rammed my knees into the steering wheel column and bumped my head on the roof all in a shower of fresh lettuce as my sandwich I had just been enjoying went airborne.

My breathing was rapid. My heart skipped a beat I will never get back. And worst of all, my sandwich and clean car were completely ruined. This is why I never watch scary movies. Who wants to sit in a dark movie theatre and watch people make a wrong turn into some woods and make very idiotic decisions? It’s just not fun.


Please let me know your thoughts on this. Parts you don't understand, grammer mistakes, anything would be helpful, thanks


  1. You gotta understand i dont give a shit about what you are writing. I would if you would write about the basketball team you were on. You have the unique oportunity to write about a situation all of us will never experiance. Start writing about what goes down in practice or games and give us some dirty laundry on other players. What is Mike Davis and Tisdale really like?

  2. Dear Anonymous,
    Tyler has the right to write about whatever his little heart desires. I can imagine that writing about basketball day in and day out would become boring. So, if you don't like it, don't read it.
    P.S. Learn to spell experience...and opportunity.

    Dear Tyler,
    Funny story. Be a man and walk to class in the bitter cold like the rest of us. Thanks.

    P.S. grammar**

  3. Dear KimCerf, you are absolutely right. Tyler, please disregard my previous statement. But seriously, more basketball writing. I want some wild stories.

  4. It would be cool to post some videos of you guys doin crazy shots if you could. And tell us about tricks you guys do on people. And tell Stan Simpson nice picture with the suit on:

    By the way im the first guy following you.

  5. maybe you could describe what was so scary about the whole situation ... a little unclear

    other than that, I'm a huge fan!

  6. Awesome blog dude. Write what you want. Of course a little b-ball stuff would be cool. But as a former journalist turned lawyer, PR guy at times, if you were my client, I'd tell you to write about anything BUT the team. Because anything you say will get noticed, picked up and if it can be read in the slightest negative way, it will be and create a bleep-storm.

    On the other hand, perhaps a personal narrative, of what you are experiencing and feeling, leaving out the coaches, team mates, etc. Just your experiences of what you are going thru, that might be interesting. It's rare to have an inside look at a big time program.

    But I loved reading about the squirrel. To answer the guy above, what's scary about it was being startled. Obviously, a squirrel is not frightening.

    But once a "real reporter" gets ahold of this the headline will read: "Tyler Griffey -- Scared of Squirrels and Subway Sandwiches..."

  7. When I was at U of I, I lived at Koinonia house, where apparently, a relatively large number of guys had a standing death warrant on campus squirrels. Some guys trapped them in those wire cage traps, other guys shot them with pellet guns.

    I preferred a more humane tactic--I painted their tails. For a while we had a blue-tailed squirrel running around:)