Wednesday, May 26, 2010

The Dentist

Never was a big fan of going to the dentist. All it feels like I get out of there is a set of bleeding gums and a tooth brush in an attempt to cheer me up afterwards. One thing I am glad about is how I grew out of having to bite into that foam fluoride stuff anymore. I used to have nightmares of having that flavored toothpaste being shoved down my throat. The worst part was afterwards you weren't supposed to eat or drink for 45 minutes and what made it even more terrible is my dentist is situated by some really delicious restaurants. So that's a plus. Also I don't know about you, but I think the high-powered specialized toothbrush the hygienist uses tickles like crazy. It was from her, my hygienist, and OMGFacts, that I learned you can in fact tickle yourself if you just rub your finger on the top of your mouth. (Please Advise: Wash hands first). Yeah I know it's weird but ever since I can remember I've been enamored with why you can't tickle yourself. Well now you can.

Aside from the giggles because of the tickles, it's not much fun after that. One of the things I hate about the dentist is the big, bright light they shine directly in front of your face. The whole time I'm sitting there I'm thinking, "Damn I really use a pair of UV protection sunglasses right now and a bottle of SPF 30 wouldn't hurt either." The tooth inspector I went to as a kid would let me wear sunglasses to block the light and as it turns out, I don't ever recall outgrowing sunglasses at any point in my life, so this is serving as my reminder to bring some with me next time. It'd actually just be easier if every dentist had a pair handy for any patients who asked for them. I don't care if they're Ray Bans or shutter shades, anything would help.

Another thing that annoys me about the dentist is this: You know the bib they wrap around your neck as you take a seat in the examination chair? I hate it when the hygienist wipes her utensils on my bib. Can't they get their own damn napkin to wipe the gunk off? I know it's my gunk on the instruments but it's the principle of the it that really bothers me. Just get your own handkerchief, k?

14 comments:

  1. My dentist has a TV anchored where the big, bright light used to be. Now there are 2 smaller lights on either side, it's pretty sweet!

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  2. I understand, one time I was at the dentist and I could taste my own blood. I asked if I was bleeding, the dentist said "no", I didn't believe and asked for a mirror. My teeth were coated in red. Dentists are butts.

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  3. Tyler Griffey...Your such a stud

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  4. Dude just go with dentures then no need for trips to the dentist!

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  5. Glad to see you weren't there 'cause Tis' elbow knocked some of your teeth out.

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  6. Love the blog!

    I always hate how the dental hygienist seems to take out all her frustrations on my gums with her floss. It's almost like she gets a kick out of seeing how hard she can press before I start crying.

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  7. I enjoy your writing Tyler. Keep up the great work.

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  8. ANTI-DENTITES! You don't have to go to the dentist. Go live in England. That's where the TOOTHbrush was invented... if it was in USA, it would have been called the TEETH BRUSH.

    - Dave Hyten DMD

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  9. Awesome blog Tyler. Really enjoy it! Tell Tisdale that he can get 2000 of his 7000 a day calorie diet from a Large Cold Stone Creamery PB&J chocolate shake. Throw some protein powder in there and he'll be all set.

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  10. I think my least favorite part of going to the dentist is x-rays to check the status of my wisdom teeth. I always feel like I'm gonna choke on that thing they tell you to bite down on so they can get a clear picture >_<

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  11. An oldie but a goodie. You might be too young to have ever seen this. Bill Cosby and the Dentist.

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XBqY6cJD3CE

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  12. Hey, how did you get to be such a good writer? You're ruining the dumb-jock stereotype. Seriously, funny stuff. Thanks for sharing this, but please don't bother writing if you ever have a prostate exam!

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  13. Have you ever worried about the spit sucker backfiring and filling your mouth with other people's spit?
    P.S. Good Luck this Season!

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