Its winter break and all the students have gone home for the holidays. Once again I am stuck here with just the basketball guys, because it seems like this time most of the Asians went home as well. Without class or virtually any signs of human life, I’m left with my computer, TV, Xbox, and basketball to occupy my time. Like most, I procrastinated to do my Christmas shopping and was left scrambling around to find gifts for my loved ones at the last possible moment. One morning I rose particularly early because I decided to venture out to do some shopping. First I stopped at Atlanta Bread Company to get my early morning coffee fix.
There I was in the restaurant, minding my own business, enjoying my coffee and breakfast sandwich like any regular patron would. Also not unlike a normal customer you’d find at these places, I had my laptop propped open in front of me as I surfed my daily websites and tried to find new blogging material. During this blogging phase of my life, my computer has had the privilege of traveling with me wherever I go. I love going to places with free wi-fi internet for a change of setting so I can sit, relax, observe and write. The difference in surroundings helps me think clearer and write better.
As I am gathering my thoughts down for a future post, a situation unfolds right in front of me that is absolutely blog relevant. Into Atlanta Bread Company walks a mother, carrying a few months old baby, nestled quietly between her arm and shoulder. I witnessed this person walk in and quickly find a seat. I found it odd she didn’t order anything at the counter; but I shrugged it off and continued typing away. It was one of those circumstances where the mom took a seat right in the direction I was facing, but was blocked in my direct line of sight behind my computer screen.
As I continued typing, my unconscious vision (when you’re aware of what’s going on around you but you don’t pay attention) witnessed this woman unfold a blanket and place it over her right chest area. As my mind processed the information (woman + blanket over chest + baby) and concluded on what could potentially happen here, she was already fiddling with her shirt underneath, and pushing the baby’s head under too. She wouldn’t, she wouldn’t, would she?
By this time my eyes were peering over the computer screen and watching as the baby’s face went from a very tiresome look to one of tremendous delight.
Breast feeding in a public place? Really? Want to hear the rest of the story?
About five minutes later, in walks another woman carrying a baby of about the same age as the other. She sits down right next to the other lady, and she begins breastfeeding too, only this woman wasn’t kind enough to cover with a blanket.
I took that as my cue to leave, and said that out loud as a matter of fact. New mothers out there, I know you’re dying to show everyone the new “no-longer-pregnant” you, but get-together public breastfeeding is never okay.
Tuesday, December 29, 2009
Saturday, December 26, 2009
Another One Of My Theories
I survived finals week and everything that comes with it, I think. Probably the most significant thing was I didn’t suffer a heart attack from putting inhumanly amounts of coffee into my system.
I know all of you remember what I said about me not studying for my finals and true to my word I didn’t hit many books. My extreme coffee intake was because I had to get up so damn early almost every day. For someone that already has trouble sleeping; waking up before I’m ready isn’t very cool. It was still dark out when I woke up and when I turned on the TV for light, I found out yet another rerun of Sports Center airs right before Mike and Mike in the Morning. I could have lived my entire life without knowing that and would have been perfectly happy.
What pissed me off the most about finals was the disparity of attendance between regular class days and finals days. I would be one of those who attended class regularly, sat in the same seat every day, right next to the same girl on my left who was always unknowingly helpful whenever I had a question. (She was good-looking too but that’s beside the point) Not only was I left without a seat, the class was so packed that the only option left was to find the most comfortable place to curl up on the floor and take your test. What type of teacher forgets to have enough desks available on finals day? Words cannot describe the sudden anger that resonated in my body. It was of pure hate and the kids in my seat must have sense the anger pouring out of me because as soon as I strode over to them they looked like Marc Bulger in the pocket scampering and scrambling for their lives.
They’re certain test-taking skills one most possess if they want to excel in any type of school environment. One is to go through the test and answer all the easy questions first, then go back and work the harder ones. I’ve found this way you might find the meaning of a word or concept within another question and that could in turn answer a harder question by itself. Another is when you definitely aren’t certain of the answer you can try to eliminate any answers that could never in a million years be the correct one, to improve guessing odds. Well, by using these obvious strategies on my finals, I think I did fairly well and hopefully achieved the grade range I set for myself on each one. However, recently it was made know to me that someone I know scored a 1/50 on a multiple choice test. That is by far the lowest grade I’ve seen ever besides a 0. I have a theory, and it’s going to sound weird at first but you’ll have to let me explain. I believe this person, who got the -49, actually is extremely smart. I can’t think of any reason to brag about this humiliating score, but it dawned on me that this kid in question could actually be smarter than he’s played out to be. Check it out, on a 50 question test, with the only possible answers as A, B, C, D, if you answer all C’s like straight down the line you’re guaranteed at least a 12%. My logic would be even if the test was in an unrecognizable hieroglyphic language, I’d still be smart enough to bubble in all A’s like straight-ticket voting, and get much better than a 2%.
So, this kid actually knew all the answers all along but purposely put down the wrong answers for some unknown reason which explains the 2%. I call this theory the “BrainlessSmart” theory. Apparently, though ill-advised, my “BrainlessSmart” theory has some unforeseeable advantages that would make someone have to use it. If you come across a situation where the theory could apply to you, let me hear about it, I’m dying to know…
I know all of you remember what I said about me not studying for my finals and true to my word I didn’t hit many books. My extreme coffee intake was because I had to get up so damn early almost every day. For someone that already has trouble sleeping; waking up before I’m ready isn’t very cool. It was still dark out when I woke up and when I turned on the TV for light, I found out yet another rerun of Sports Center airs right before Mike and Mike in the Morning. I could have lived my entire life without knowing that and would have been perfectly happy.
What pissed me off the most about finals was the disparity of attendance between regular class days and finals days. I would be one of those who attended class regularly, sat in the same seat every day, right next to the same girl on my left who was always unknowingly helpful whenever I had a question. (She was good-looking too but that’s beside the point) Not only was I left without a seat, the class was so packed that the only option left was to find the most comfortable place to curl up on the floor and take your test. What type of teacher forgets to have enough desks available on finals day? Words cannot describe the sudden anger that resonated in my body. It was of pure hate and the kids in my seat must have sense the anger pouring out of me because as soon as I strode over to them they looked like Marc Bulger in the pocket scampering and scrambling for their lives.
They’re certain test-taking skills one most possess if they want to excel in any type of school environment. One is to go through the test and answer all the easy questions first, then go back and work the harder ones. I’ve found this way you might find the meaning of a word or concept within another question and that could in turn answer a harder question by itself. Another is when you definitely aren’t certain of the answer you can try to eliminate any answers that could never in a million years be the correct one, to improve guessing odds. Well, by using these obvious strategies on my finals, I think I did fairly well and hopefully achieved the grade range I set for myself on each one. However, recently it was made know to me that someone I know scored a 1/50 on a multiple choice test. That is by far the lowest grade I’ve seen ever besides a 0. I have a theory, and it’s going to sound weird at first but you’ll have to let me explain. I believe this person, who got the -49, actually is extremely smart. I can’t think of any reason to brag about this humiliating score, but it dawned on me that this kid in question could actually be smarter than he’s played out to be. Check it out, on a 50 question test, with the only possible answers as A, B, C, D, if you answer all C’s like straight down the line you’re guaranteed at least a 12%. My logic would be even if the test was in an unrecognizable hieroglyphic language, I’d still be smart enough to bubble in all A’s like straight-ticket voting, and get much better than a 2%.
So, this kid actually knew all the answers all along but purposely put down the wrong answers for some unknown reason which explains the 2%. I call this theory the “BrainlessSmart” theory. Apparently, though ill-advised, my “BrainlessSmart” theory has some unforeseeable advantages that would make someone have to use it. If you come across a situation where the theory could apply to you, let me hear about it, I’m dying to know…
Thursday, December 17, 2009
Lists
Lists are way overdone but that's not going to stop me.
Inventions I could not live without
1. Pizza Parties
-Who doesn’t like pizza and who doesn’t love parties? Combine them together to create one epic event that appeals to everybody.
2. Separate shoes for each foot
-Whoever came up with this idea is a genius
3. Automatic hand sanitizer dispensers
-In the wake of our countries H1N1 epidemic, these were placed all throughout campus buildings. Don’t you hate when you get too much hand sanitizer on your hands? These are calibrated to give you just the right amount.
4. Elastic waistbands
-Allow room for expansion if needed at feasts or other eating events. Comfortable. Elastic waistband jeans are taking it overboard though.
5. The WTF blanket aka Snuggie
-Not to different than the robes the students at Hogwarts wear, when I put one of these babies on, an immediate sense of magical powers and kingship ripples through me. I feel like these things give me the power to just sit back on my couch and rule Champaign. Impossible to feel almighty while wearing one.
Shopping stores that you could spend a lot of time in and not buy anything
1. Shaper Image
-Gadgets you didn’t think exist are in the Image. A must stop to all mall goers, you could spend all day looking at their high-tech toys.
2. Bass Pro shops
-The one in Springfield, MO especially. Even those who hate the outdoors could spend some serious time in there.
3. Love Seat/Love Shack
-The store that sells those big bean bags in the mall. Easy to sit in one and fall asleep instantly. I’ve done it before.
4. Brookstone
-Massage chairs. Need I say more?
5. Borders
- It’s easy to grab a book and latte and sit there and read six chapters of a book you haven’t bought yet. Or stand at the docking stations and listen to that whole CD you were thinking about buying.
Things the Christmas season can do without
1. Imposter Santa’s
2. Fake beards (Not referring to Amanda Beard in any way)
3. Egg nog
4. Class finals
5. Peppermint candies in the form of canes
Inventions I could not live without
1. Pizza Parties
-Who doesn’t like pizza and who doesn’t love parties? Combine them together to create one epic event that appeals to everybody.
2. Separate shoes for each foot
-Whoever came up with this idea is a genius
3. Automatic hand sanitizer dispensers
-In the wake of our countries H1N1 epidemic, these were placed all throughout campus buildings. Don’t you hate when you get too much hand sanitizer on your hands? These are calibrated to give you just the right amount.
4. Elastic waistbands
-Allow room for expansion if needed at feasts or other eating events. Comfortable. Elastic waistband jeans are taking it overboard though.
5. The WTF blanket aka Snuggie
-Not to different than the robes the students at Hogwarts wear, when I put one of these babies on, an immediate sense of magical powers and kingship ripples through me. I feel like these things give me the power to just sit back on my couch and rule Champaign. Impossible to feel almighty while wearing one.
Shopping stores that you could spend a lot of time in and not buy anything
1. Shaper Image
-Gadgets you didn’t think exist are in the Image. A must stop to all mall goers, you could spend all day looking at their high-tech toys.
2. Bass Pro shops
-The one in Springfield, MO especially. Even those who hate the outdoors could spend some serious time in there.
3. Love Seat/Love Shack
-The store that sells those big bean bags in the mall. Easy to sit in one and fall asleep instantly. I’ve done it before.
4. Brookstone
-Massage chairs. Need I say more?
5. Borders
- It’s easy to grab a book and latte and sit there and read six chapters of a book you haven’t bought yet. Or stand at the docking stations and listen to that whole CD you were thinking about buying.
Things the Christmas season can do without
1. Imposter Santa’s
2. Fake beards (Not referring to Amanda Beard in any way)
3. Egg nog
4. Class finals
5. Peppermint candies in the form of canes
Tuesday, December 15, 2009
Dear, The Fat Man In A Red Suit
It’s that time of the year where jingle bells, snowflakes, and visions of sugarplums are overtaking the minds of millions of children across the world. All the hoopla surrounding the holiday season is a joy to many, and to me it’s no exception. I wanted to make this year extra special so I decided to join the millions of children across the world and write a letter to the Big Guy in The Red Suit telling him what I would like for Christmas. Hopefully he comes through in the clutch and delivers me the gift that will surly keep on giving. Here goes nothing.
Dear Santa
This is my first letter I’ve ever written (to you) and in case you didn’t know, my name is Tyler. I haven’t formally been taught to send mail the regular way as I am a teenager in the 21st century and my main means of communication are texting and social networking. In fact, I got your address off your Facebook page. (thanks for accepting my friend request) Hopefully I addressed this correctly and it gets sent to the real Santa Claus because everyone knows, there’s enough Santa posers in this world already.
As this is my first time contacting you, first let me say thank you for the Xbox a couple years back and I always appreciate the annual assortment of Axe deodorant products I receive under the tree. I don’t know if you’re sending me a message or not, but I am not the smelly kid in class. If you have time, read my blog, especially the Stick To My Strengths post.
Anyway, I’m supposed to believe that your big butt has been stopping by the house for the past 18 years and shimmying your way down my chimney. I am finally old enough to realize that that is really weird and creepy, and this Christmas if you want in, just call beforehand. You got my number, right?
I know you probably get a lot of letters containing absurd Christmas lists from kids wanting almost everything in the whole world but this letter is different. I’ve been nice to my sisters (within reason) this year and therefore don’t think I made the naughty list, but what makes this letter different is that I’m only asking for one thing, and that is a clone of myself.
Here’s the story, lately there hasn’t been enough of me to go around and I’m starting to feel the pull in all directions. Being in four or five places at once is not quite possible (How do you get to every house on Christmas eve?) and trust me when I said I’ve tried and failed miserably.
A clone would allow me to be in two places at once, and thus get twice as much work done. For example, yesterday I had a speech to practice for, test to study for, essays to write, laundry to do, all while the phone was ringing, and a much needed trip to the bathroom was coming on. And that was all in one afternoon. Another me would have been great right about then, so if you could bring me a clone, with a great memory of course, who could do these things that’d be awesome. I’ll leave a to-do list next to the salad and glass of pomegranate juice I’m leaving you, so he can get a head start on the things that need to be done when you drop him off.
If it’s not too much trouble to ask for, can my clone come with my unparalleled Guitar Hero skills and a British accent? If you could that would be lovely.
Other than that, my brother informed me that he really wants a Transformers action figure and doesn’t want anything that even remotely resembles clothes. He’s at that stage in his life where running around in his underwear and a batman cape is acceptable so no clothes are necessary.
Well have a safe trip around the world Santa, and give Mrs. Claus a hug for me.
Love,
Tyler
-What if you saw your Momma kissing this Santa Claus???
Dear Santa
This is my first letter I’ve ever written (to you) and in case you didn’t know, my name is Tyler. I haven’t formally been taught to send mail the regular way as I am a teenager in the 21st century and my main means of communication are texting and social networking. In fact, I got your address off your Facebook page. (thanks for accepting my friend request) Hopefully I addressed this correctly and it gets sent to the real Santa Claus because everyone knows, there’s enough Santa posers in this world already.
As this is my first time contacting you, first let me say thank you for the Xbox a couple years back and I always appreciate the annual assortment of Axe deodorant products I receive under the tree. I don’t know if you’re sending me a message or not, but I am not the smelly kid in class. If you have time, read my blog, especially the Stick To My Strengths post.
Anyway, I’m supposed to believe that your big butt has been stopping by the house for the past 18 years and shimmying your way down my chimney. I am finally old enough to realize that that is really weird and creepy, and this Christmas if you want in, just call beforehand. You got my number, right?
I know you probably get a lot of letters containing absurd Christmas lists from kids wanting almost everything in the whole world but this letter is different. I’ve been nice to my sisters (within reason) this year and therefore don’t think I made the naughty list, but what makes this letter different is that I’m only asking for one thing, and that is a clone of myself.
Here’s the story, lately there hasn’t been enough of me to go around and I’m starting to feel the pull in all directions. Being in four or five places at once is not quite possible (How do you get to every house on Christmas eve?) and trust me when I said I’ve tried and failed miserably.
A clone would allow me to be in two places at once, and thus get twice as much work done. For example, yesterday I had a speech to practice for, test to study for, essays to write, laundry to do, all while the phone was ringing, and a much needed trip to the bathroom was coming on. And that was all in one afternoon. Another me would have been great right about then, so if you could bring me a clone, with a great memory of course, who could do these things that’d be awesome. I’ll leave a to-do list next to the salad and glass of pomegranate juice I’m leaving you, so he can get a head start on the things that need to be done when you drop him off.
If it’s not too much trouble to ask for, can my clone come with my unparalleled Guitar Hero skills and a British accent? If you could that would be lovely.
Other than that, my brother informed me that he really wants a Transformers action figure and doesn’t want anything that even remotely resembles clothes. He’s at that stage in his life where running around in his underwear and a batman cape is acceptable so no clothes are necessary.
Well have a safe trip around the world Santa, and give Mrs. Claus a hug for me.
Love,
Tyler
-What if you saw your Momma kissing this Santa Claus???
Monday, December 14, 2009
Dirty Laundry 10 "Cleaning Out The Notebook"
Dear mom,
Thank you for doing my laundry for all those 18 years of my life. I now realize what a pain in the a$$ it is. Someday in the near future I’m going to have to stop going to Wal-Mart to keep buying new socks, boxers, and undershirts. I don’t know what I would have done without you.
P.S. Special thanks to my sister (Brenna) for helping out with the laundry the last couple of years of the 18.
-Love Tyler.
NOW HIRING: Someone to do my laundry. E-mail me for details.
***
Some things that I recall from my flight to Las Vegas over Thanksgiving weekend,
36 inches- The approximate height Mike Tisdale had to duck to fit into the on-flight bathroom. To this day I don’t know how he did it.
4-Number of times I flipped through SkyMall magazine
100%-Percentage of items in SkyMall magazine that I really want but don’t really need.
It’s a really awkward feeling when you’re sitting in an aisle seat on a plane, and you’re watching a movie and a lady walks down the aisle every time there’s a “love scene”
***
Found some money on the ground the other day and in the time after I saw it and before I picked it up I heard the music from the Gieco commercials playing in my head. Yes it was as awesome as it sounds.
Why do doctors call what they do a practice?
If MySpace made every girl think they’re a model, Twitter is going to make every girl think they are popular.
Why is abbreviation such a long word?
As I said before, I never repeat myself.
***
I think I have this whole college dating thing figured out. Here’s the perfect date. First, since you’re in college and you don’t have a car, walk to her dorm. Attention: flowers optional but recommended. Next, walk her down to dinner and since meals are already prepaid, use your iCard to swipe you both in. After that, grab a tray, get some food, and sit yourselves down at an empty table. After dinner, take her to your room, pop in a movie, and your all set. When the movies over, or should I say you’re finished, you can walk her back to her room. This is too easy.
“I think you’re delusional because I distinctly remember crossing you over, putting it between my legs, stepping back, screaming ‘seeee yaaaa’ as I released it and sure enough, boom trey bomb in ya grill.” – Actual quote said by me after practice one day directly to a teammate that shall remain unknown.
I don’t understand the association between quitting and frozen turkey? Like the saying, “I quit smoking cold turkey.” I don’t get it.
People are so inconsiderate these days. I was raised to hold the door open for someone behind you, or move out the way when I’m in the way. If someone does something for me, whether they were required to or not, I say “thank you”. I wish someone would return the favor…
***
Sometimes in practice, we do competitive drills where Coach has special rules to help us work on what he is teaching us. For example, some of the rules are you can’t dribble, you have to get a post touch before you shoot, or you can only shoot layups. The other day, during a competitive four on four game where the rule is no jump shots only layups, I found myself receiving the ball about two feet away from the block. Before I remembered I could only lay it in, my basketball IQ told me the most successful shot in this situation would be my patented jump hook. As the ball is in my right hand about to be released in jump hook form, I remembered coach’s words and in mid-air/mid-hook, I tried to be like Jordan (Mike not Jeff) and switch the ball into my left hand to attempt to lay it in. I obviously didn’t muster enough strength after the pinnacle of my leap had already taken place, so my pathetic lay in was dreadfully short and immediately erased by an opposing team member. Oh well, I guess better luck next time.
***
"If you did not write every day, the poisons would accumulate and you would begin to die, or act crazy or both -- you must stay drunk on writing so reality cannot destroy you." - Ray Bradbury
"Why say the sky is the limit, when there are footprints on the moon?"
***
Corny jokes I stole from my corny jokes website
What do you call a cow with no legs?
-Ground beef
How can you have bread if you are on a liquid diet?
-Drink a toast
What do you get from a pampered cow?
-Spoiled milk
How did Michael Jackson pick his nose?
-From a catalog
Thank you for doing my laundry for all those 18 years of my life. I now realize what a pain in the a$$ it is. Someday in the near future I’m going to have to stop going to Wal-Mart to keep buying new socks, boxers, and undershirts. I don’t know what I would have done without you.
P.S. Special thanks to my sister (Brenna) for helping out with the laundry the last couple of years of the 18.
-Love Tyler.
NOW HIRING: Someone to do my laundry. E-mail me for details.
***
Some things that I recall from my flight to Las Vegas over Thanksgiving weekend,
36 inches- The approximate height Mike Tisdale had to duck to fit into the on-flight bathroom. To this day I don’t know how he did it.
4-Number of times I flipped through SkyMall magazine
100%-Percentage of items in SkyMall magazine that I really want but don’t really need.
It’s a really awkward feeling when you’re sitting in an aisle seat on a plane, and you’re watching a movie and a lady walks down the aisle every time there’s a “love scene”
***
Found some money on the ground the other day and in the time after I saw it and before I picked it up I heard the music from the Gieco commercials playing in my head. Yes it was as awesome as it sounds.
Why do doctors call what they do a practice?
If MySpace made every girl think they’re a model, Twitter is going to make every girl think they are popular.
Why is abbreviation such a long word?
As I said before, I never repeat myself.
***
I think I have this whole college dating thing figured out. Here’s the perfect date. First, since you’re in college and you don’t have a car, walk to her dorm. Attention: flowers optional but recommended. Next, walk her down to dinner and since meals are already prepaid, use your iCard to swipe you both in. After that, grab a tray, get some food, and sit yourselves down at an empty table. After dinner, take her to your room, pop in a movie, and your all set. When the movies over, or should I say you’re finished, you can walk her back to her room. This is too easy.
“I think you’re delusional because I distinctly remember crossing you over, putting it between my legs, stepping back, screaming ‘seeee yaaaa’ as I released it and sure enough, boom trey bomb in ya grill.” – Actual quote said by me after practice one day directly to a teammate that shall remain unknown.
I don’t understand the association between quitting and frozen turkey? Like the saying, “I quit smoking cold turkey.” I don’t get it.
People are so inconsiderate these days. I was raised to hold the door open for someone behind you, or move out the way when I’m in the way. If someone does something for me, whether they were required to or not, I say “thank you”. I wish someone would return the favor…
***
Sometimes in practice, we do competitive drills where Coach has special rules to help us work on what he is teaching us. For example, some of the rules are you can’t dribble, you have to get a post touch before you shoot, or you can only shoot layups. The other day, during a competitive four on four game where the rule is no jump shots only layups, I found myself receiving the ball about two feet away from the block. Before I remembered I could only lay it in, my basketball IQ told me the most successful shot in this situation would be my patented jump hook. As the ball is in my right hand about to be released in jump hook form, I remembered coach’s words and in mid-air/mid-hook, I tried to be like Jordan (Mike not Jeff) and switch the ball into my left hand to attempt to lay it in. I obviously didn’t muster enough strength after the pinnacle of my leap had already taken place, so my pathetic lay in was dreadfully short and immediately erased by an opposing team member. Oh well, I guess better luck next time.
***
"If you did not write every day, the poisons would accumulate and you would begin to die, or act crazy or both -- you must stay drunk on writing so reality cannot destroy you." - Ray Bradbury
"Why say the sky is the limit, when there are footprints on the moon?"
***
Corny jokes I stole from my corny jokes website
What do you call a cow with no legs?
-Ground beef
How can you have bread if you are on a liquid diet?
-Drink a toast
What do you get from a pampered cow?
-Spoiled milk
How did Michael Jackson pick his nose?
-From a catalog
Thursday, December 10, 2009
The End Of The Beginning
Finals start this week. Wait what?!?
That’s right, 1/8 of my college career is coming to a close. It’s been a good start and has absolutely flown by. I’m having fun, learning a lot, and making the most of my time here.
I’ve never been one to stress over finals that much, it’s too much of a cliché for me. My plan has always been to take care of business during the semester then the only work I really have to do is calculate my grade up to this point, and figure out a range of what I could score on my final without causing my overall grade to fluctuate. This is a daunting task too, because the only thing in math I’m good at is the law of averages and that’s only because I wanted to figure out my scoring average in high school.
Somehow, my philosophy has not yet been discovered by everyone else and students all around campus are having complete mental breakdowns from over-stress. It must suck being pushed to the brink analyzing lecture notes, schedules, or study guides. I’ll never forget the ear-popping shriek of terror from the girl that sits behind me in the middle of class when she noticed she had scheduled two finals at the exact same time. I found this completely rude and unacceptable and she was calmly asked to leave the classroom, by me. Both the professor and the rest of the spooked class agreed with my wish, and she shame walked out of the building.
Campus life also has a weird feeling about it as well. Instead of over-crowding the usual campus hangouts (bars), students are lining up outside Starbucks and Bread Co. The following is an actual order, placed by a girl in front of me at Starbucks. (Read really fast and I swear I’m not joking.) “Yeah, hi, yeah, I’ll take a Café mocha with 2 shots of espresso. Can you do that? I sure hope so. And I’ll take a espresso frappuccino blended coffee also. (ten second pause) Oh wait, and I want two more double shots of espresso. Can I do that? Did you get all that? Do you want me to repeat?” Quickly doing the math in my head, I calculated seven shots of espresso and urgently wished this girl good luck at not getting a heart attack. Later that night I heard ambulances rushing down the street and I wondered…but nah it couldn’t be.
I can’t help but notice the lack of sleep the student body as a whole is experiencing. Walking to class is similar to a scene from Dawn of the Dead, a bunch of red-eyed zombies, muttering class notes to themselves, walking in a stupor with no awareness of their immediate surroundings.
What’s even worse is the weather has turned to crap. Vicious 40-MPH winds have been ripping about thrashing through campus lifting up those not prepared or heavy enough to withstand it. On a recent trip outside, I was suddenly, without warning, propelled to my tippy toes by an unmatched supernatural strength. I timidly glanced behind me, quickly looked both ways to the side and stole a peek above me searching for the culprit. When I saw nobody around, I whispered to myself, “God???”
I’ll probably be really bored during the holiday break because let’s face it; I never leave my place anyway except to go to Qdoba or Ubben basketball complex. Maybe I’ll have some time to do some things with the blog that I’ve been dreaming up. You never know but I know you wouldn’t want to miss out so check back often.
That’s right, 1/8 of my college career is coming to a close. It’s been a good start and has absolutely flown by. I’m having fun, learning a lot, and making the most of my time here.
I’ve never been one to stress over finals that much, it’s too much of a cliché for me. My plan has always been to take care of business during the semester then the only work I really have to do is calculate my grade up to this point, and figure out a range of what I could score on my final without causing my overall grade to fluctuate. This is a daunting task too, because the only thing in math I’m good at is the law of averages and that’s only because I wanted to figure out my scoring average in high school.
Somehow, my philosophy has not yet been discovered by everyone else and students all around campus are having complete mental breakdowns from over-stress. It must suck being pushed to the brink analyzing lecture notes, schedules, or study guides. I’ll never forget the ear-popping shriek of terror from the girl that sits behind me in the middle of class when she noticed she had scheduled two finals at the exact same time. I found this completely rude and unacceptable and she was calmly asked to leave the classroom, by me. Both the professor and the rest of the spooked class agreed with my wish, and she shame walked out of the building.
Campus life also has a weird feeling about it as well. Instead of over-crowding the usual campus hangouts (bars), students are lining up outside Starbucks and Bread Co. The following is an actual order, placed by a girl in front of me at Starbucks. (Read really fast and I swear I’m not joking.) “Yeah, hi, yeah, I’ll take a Café mocha with 2 shots of espresso. Can you do that? I sure hope so. And I’ll take a espresso frappuccino blended coffee also. (ten second pause) Oh wait, and I want two more double shots of espresso. Can I do that? Did you get all that? Do you want me to repeat?” Quickly doing the math in my head, I calculated seven shots of espresso and urgently wished this girl good luck at not getting a heart attack. Later that night I heard ambulances rushing down the street and I wondered…but nah it couldn’t be.
I can’t help but notice the lack of sleep the student body as a whole is experiencing. Walking to class is similar to a scene from Dawn of the Dead, a bunch of red-eyed zombies, muttering class notes to themselves, walking in a stupor with no awareness of their immediate surroundings.
What’s even worse is the weather has turned to crap. Vicious 40-MPH winds have been ripping about thrashing through campus lifting up those not prepared or heavy enough to withstand it. On a recent trip outside, I was suddenly, without warning, propelled to my tippy toes by an unmatched supernatural strength. I timidly glanced behind me, quickly looked both ways to the side and stole a peek above me searching for the culprit. When I saw nobody around, I whispered to myself, “God???”
I’ll probably be really bored during the holiday break because let’s face it; I never leave my place anyway except to go to Qdoba or Ubben basketball complex. Maybe I’ll have some time to do some things with the blog that I’ve been dreaming up. You never know but I know you wouldn’t want to miss out so check back often.
Monday, December 7, 2009
Any Given Sunday
Another Sunday has come and gone and as usual, I was found sitting in front of the TV, enjoying an assortment of finger foods and snacks while watching football (other than worship, what else is Sunday good for?). I feel it’s also worth noting that Sports Center finally went back to reviewing the other sports this weekend. It was the first time in a week that they showed only about 20% of Tiger Woods compared to the 90% it was the last week. I heard he got fined $167.00 dollars. Does Tiger even carry bills that low? I bet he has that in his car’s cup holder.
I’m a long time NFL fan, but not die-hard mind you. I know enough to know what’s going on; yet only watch the more entertaining teams and my beloved Cowboys. I like to follow a few marquee players like the Manning brothers, Giselle Bundchen's husband, and the grocer turned hall of famer, Kurt Warner. And also the really entertaining players like Terrell Owens and Chad Ochocinco. (I heard a rumor that Chad was thinking about changing his last name to Childplease. That would be awesome.)
Since I have gotten a twitter account, Ochocinco has quickly and effectively moved up to one of my favorite players. On his twitter, he posts where he will be eating lunch at that day, and he offers to the first 50 people to show up, lunch is on him. He also does this for movies and such, offering to pay for any fans wearing a Ochocinco jersey. I think that is a pretty unique way to connect with his fan base, and therefore has my approval and willingness to put him in my top 5 favorite players.
Speaking of sports, wouldn’t it be a lot cooler if they allowed the actual team mascot to participate in the actual game? For example, the Chicago Bears could have a 650-lbs grizzly bear playing linebacker and the New York Giants would be unstoppable with their 10-foot tall running back. What else would be cool is if the Dallas Cowboys could have a bunch of actual Cowboys running around and the Washington Redskins could have a bunch of Indians. If they were ever to play each other, it would be like a new school version of the old school game cowboys and Indians. (The Cowboys shotgun offense would be the most feared offense in the league, don’t you think?) This would be really cool unless you were the Miami Dolphins or the Arizona Cardinals, haha.
Also, more on team names, given the way how corporations are buying the naming rights of stadiums and arenas (Landshark stadium, the Honda Center) I think we aren’t far off from teams being named for the corporations they represent instead of the location. So like, instead of the Dallas Cowboys, it would be the Chevy Cowboys and the Sony Seahawks instead of the Seattle Seahawks.
Some would even make a lot of sense, like having a Stanley Cup Final with the American Airlines Flyers (Philadelphia) and the Mrs. Butterworth Maple Leafs (Toronto). (Authors note: I do realize these teams are in the same conference. You suck for noticing that if you did.)
Another thing about sports is I don’t understand all the die-hard fans out there for certain teams. So what if your team of choice wins a championship? Now what? The most you get out of your team winning the big one is maybe a week’s worth of bragging rights and justification for wearing the old smelly jersey or hat you parade around town with. (You do realize this is a clever marketing ploy by the team to get YOU to pay for THEIR advertising, right?) Unless you’re on the team or somehow related to a team member or if you’re in team management, you shouldn’t be all that excited when it comes to a sports team. It makes you look kind of stupid. (There are a few exceptions with this, and I’ll get to those at the end) The other night I was enjoying my wings at the famous B Dubs (Buffalo Wild Wings) during the Big 12 Championship between Nebraska and Texas. Sitting in a table beside us, a group of college-aged friends were gathered around some wings and berry lemonades with one of them being an obvious Texas football fan. (as if the old dirty jersey, the worn out hat, and him yelling obscenities and the TV during the second half weren’t enough convincing). If you recall, Texas won this game, but only after their Heisman candidate quarterback almost threw the game away, literally. Within field goal range, and only seconds remaining, Colt McCoy dropped back to pass and threw the ball out of bounds in hopes of stopping the clock. The only problem was the ball landed with like .000001 seconds left and after a review, the officials allowed Texas to kick the season-saving field goal to win the game.
You should have seen the shenanigans this Texan was pulling. During that final play, he jumped out of his chair in a fit of fury knocking over his berry lemonade in the process and began pacing the room; muttering a dangerous array of curse words in the crowded restaurant. (I know his drink of choice because I had one myself and it was delicious) He didn’t seem to care about the rainbow colored stain on the crotch of his jeans as he was too busy cursing out the quarterback, the coach, the kid who stole his lunch money in first grade, the sensible Nebraska fan at the bar, and anybody else who got in the way. I won’t share the plethora of curse words he was muttering, but I did see the look on one mother’s face that was of the utmost disgust, almost daring him to come closer and get into ear-shot of her little tykes playing the trivia. I’m just glad Texas came back and won to restore all order in this dudes world. For a second, it looked like suicide had entered his mind and nobody would have wanted that.
Back to my point, why on earth would anyone act like this? Ah it just doesn’t make sense to me, but wait, the exceptions. Here they are.
First, the people who dress up at the Raiders game are the coolest fans ever. My uncle is a former Los Angeles Raider and he said those were the meanest, grittiest fans ever.
Second, it’s okay to act like that if you have a great deal of money on the game. Even though it is only legal to gamble in 2% of the United States, illegal gambling accounts for 98% of all gambling and its illegal for me so were going to leave this subject at once.
Third, it’s obviously okay to act crazy and to be in love with a sports team if you’re an illini fan. For those of you who didn’t see this coming shame on you.
I’m a long time NFL fan, but not die-hard mind you. I know enough to know what’s going on; yet only watch the more entertaining teams and my beloved Cowboys. I like to follow a few marquee players like the Manning brothers, Giselle Bundchen's husband, and the grocer turned hall of famer, Kurt Warner. And also the really entertaining players like Terrell Owens and Chad Ochocinco. (I heard a rumor that Chad was thinking about changing his last name to Childplease. That would be awesome.)
Since I have gotten a twitter account, Ochocinco has quickly and effectively moved up to one of my favorite players. On his twitter, he posts where he will be eating lunch at that day, and he offers to the first 50 people to show up, lunch is on him. He also does this for movies and such, offering to pay for any fans wearing a Ochocinco jersey. I think that is a pretty unique way to connect with his fan base, and therefore has my approval and willingness to put him in my top 5 favorite players.
Speaking of sports, wouldn’t it be a lot cooler if they allowed the actual team mascot to participate in the actual game? For example, the Chicago Bears could have a 650-lbs grizzly bear playing linebacker and the New York Giants would be unstoppable with their 10-foot tall running back. What else would be cool is if the Dallas Cowboys could have a bunch of actual Cowboys running around and the Washington Redskins could have a bunch of Indians. If they were ever to play each other, it would be like a new school version of the old school game cowboys and Indians. (The Cowboys shotgun offense would be the most feared offense in the league, don’t you think?) This would be really cool unless you were the Miami Dolphins or the Arizona Cardinals, haha.
Also, more on team names, given the way how corporations are buying the naming rights of stadiums and arenas (Landshark stadium, the Honda Center) I think we aren’t far off from teams being named for the corporations they represent instead of the location. So like, instead of the Dallas Cowboys, it would be the Chevy Cowboys and the Sony Seahawks instead of the Seattle Seahawks.
Some would even make a lot of sense, like having a Stanley Cup Final with the American Airlines Flyers (Philadelphia) and the Mrs. Butterworth Maple Leafs (Toronto). (Authors note: I do realize these teams are in the same conference. You suck for noticing that if you did.)
Another thing about sports is I don’t understand all the die-hard fans out there for certain teams. So what if your team of choice wins a championship? Now what? The most you get out of your team winning the big one is maybe a week’s worth of bragging rights and justification for wearing the old smelly jersey or hat you parade around town with. (You do realize this is a clever marketing ploy by the team to get YOU to pay for THEIR advertising, right?) Unless you’re on the team or somehow related to a team member or if you’re in team management, you shouldn’t be all that excited when it comes to a sports team. It makes you look kind of stupid. (There are a few exceptions with this, and I’ll get to those at the end) The other night I was enjoying my wings at the famous B Dubs (Buffalo Wild Wings) during the Big 12 Championship between Nebraska and Texas. Sitting in a table beside us, a group of college-aged friends were gathered around some wings and berry lemonades with one of them being an obvious Texas football fan. (as if the old dirty jersey, the worn out hat, and him yelling obscenities and the TV during the second half weren’t enough convincing). If you recall, Texas won this game, but only after their Heisman candidate quarterback almost threw the game away, literally. Within field goal range, and only seconds remaining, Colt McCoy dropped back to pass and threw the ball out of bounds in hopes of stopping the clock. The only problem was the ball landed with like .000001 seconds left and after a review, the officials allowed Texas to kick the season-saving field goal to win the game.
You should have seen the shenanigans this Texan was pulling. During that final play, he jumped out of his chair in a fit of fury knocking over his berry lemonade in the process and began pacing the room; muttering a dangerous array of curse words in the crowded restaurant. (I know his drink of choice because I had one myself and it was delicious) He didn’t seem to care about the rainbow colored stain on the crotch of his jeans as he was too busy cursing out the quarterback, the coach, the kid who stole his lunch money in first grade, the sensible Nebraska fan at the bar, and anybody else who got in the way. I won’t share the plethora of curse words he was muttering, but I did see the look on one mother’s face that was of the utmost disgust, almost daring him to come closer and get into ear-shot of her little tykes playing the trivia. I’m just glad Texas came back and won to restore all order in this dudes world. For a second, it looked like suicide had entered his mind and nobody would have wanted that.
Back to my point, why on earth would anyone act like this? Ah it just doesn’t make sense to me, but wait, the exceptions. Here they are.
First, the people who dress up at the Raiders game are the coolest fans ever. My uncle is a former Los Angeles Raider and he said those were the meanest, grittiest fans ever.
Second, it’s okay to act like that if you have a great deal of money on the game. Even though it is only legal to gamble in 2% of the United States, illegal gambling accounts for 98% of all gambling and its illegal for me so were going to leave this subject at once.
Third, it’s obviously okay to act crazy and to be in love with a sports team if you’re an illini fan. For those of you who didn’t see this coming shame on you.
Tuesday, December 1, 2009
Dirty Laundry 9
I can’t believe this world of blogging has gone unnoticed by me for so long. How many of you all knew about this vast entertaining world and didn’t tell me about it? Shame on you. Since I started, I have discovered some brilliant blogs by some really creative individuals. I now follow more than a dozen websites that provide me with news, laughs, and just about everything in-between to get me through my day.
It seems like a number of you have been astonished by my intelligence. (Thanks for revealing your stereotype of basketball players) My response to that is don’t be quick to judge people, sometimes they can surprise you, but in this case, it’s just me having a couple of good English teachers in middle school and stories to tell.
What is it with the people commenting on my posts by only identifying themselves by the current location in which they read the blog? This looks like its straight out of a horror film and everyone knows I refuse to watch scary movies. (Knowing you only as the girls from room 221 is kind of creepy) It feels like I know you but I’m never sure due to my memory lapses of remembering names and who lives where. On another comment, they identify themselves as Kim from Bromley 726. I know a Kim that lives in Bromley but wasn’t sure of her room number. Needless to say I looked like an idiot when I confronted Kim about her comment and she had no idea what I was talking about. Oops.
But wait, it gets better.
Apparently I have inspired Kim from Bromley 726 to start a blog of her own, and in my honor she has named her first post in my name. Not only do I think that is really cool, but she had some pretty nice things to say about me in the process, which makes it even cooler. Go check it out at http://kimcerf.blogspot.com/
_________________________________________
I have a class that is completely on the opposite side of campus from where I live. I take the same stretch of road every single day and lately, I’ve been timing myself (to the second) on how fast it takes me to get from my room to my class. If I beat my previous time, I believe I am going to have a good rest of the day but if I fail, then I get really upset and as a result, the upcoming day will be a disaster. All potential road distractions are fair game and you cannot stop the clock if you get stuck in traffic. But you don’t necessarily have to obey road laws either. (No cop no stop)
I never really learned how to cuss until I started driving. I’m convinced Champaign, Illinois has the most generous DMV’s around and they hand out licenses’ like its candy on Halloween. Some people I see driving on the road, DO NOT belong there and I consider them a liability to society.
I have my own set of rules of the road that I think everyone should follow. When it comes to stop signs, crossing lanes, making a turn into oncoming traffic, basically anywhere that could have cars crash, I calculate vehicles on what I call the collision factor. I put every means of transportation in my own echelon system based on size, durability, brute strength, and sheer badassness. To explain further, if there is a four way stop sign and a cement truck wants to turn left, and a Ford Focus wants to continue straight. In order for that cement truck to make a left turn, it would have to cross the very near-future path of the Focus to get where it needs to go. Even if the Focus arrived at the stop sign a tad sooner than the cement truck, if I’m driving that Focus I’m stopping and waiting for the cement truck to do its thing. Imagine what would happen if that Ford Focus collided with the cement truck. It would be blown to smithereens.
When first arriving to campus and with these guidelines in mind, I was really surprised by the confidence in some pedestrians when crossing the street. It seemed like they would walk out there blindly and not even care (or notice) I was coming directly at them at blazing speed. It wasn’t until I was one of them that I realized that pedestrians don’t possess any amount of extraordinary confidence, they just simply are too busy fiddling with their iPods or cell phones to pay attention to oncoming traffic. Now I’m just as attached to my phone as the next guy, but when it’s a matter of life or death, I can put the phone down and watch out for the crazy lunatics on the road (like myself)
It's pretty common knowledge, (Or so I think) that the average pedestrian would not be able to withstand being run down by a automobile. To illustrate, I have drawn out a pyramid of my ranking system. As you can see, the vehicles closer to the top rule the road, and the ones below have less and less power until you get to the cyclists. I think I speak for everybody when I say cyclists are annoying and the worst way to travel. Who wants to see skin tight body suits and hand signals going painfully slow down the road in front of you? Not me.
______________________________
Weekly Tylerisms
I saw a rather large man eating at McDonald’s the other day. He ate a Big Mac in under ninety seconds and with three bites. I haven’t seen anything that impressive since that squirrel using the crosswalk to cross the street.
I don’t normally watch much TV besides Sports Center, but Ellen DeGeneres dancing through the introduction on her show is the greatest thing on TV…ever.
If 50 cent married a girl named Penny and if they ever had twins, he should name them nickel and dime. That would make their whole family worth 66 cents.
I want to make a cell phone company called “Searching for Network.” We’ll be everywhere!
Shout out to hot girls with no personality. They make my world complete.
***
If anyone makes a video like this one, of the Clemson game, let me know. I want the inspirational music, the images of us suffering defeat, then the amazing comeback. Its got to have all the parts for me to like it though.
It seems like a number of you have been astonished by my intelligence. (Thanks for revealing your stereotype of basketball players) My response to that is don’t be quick to judge people, sometimes they can surprise you, but in this case, it’s just me having a couple of good English teachers in middle school and stories to tell.
What is it with the people commenting on my posts by only identifying themselves by the current location in which they read the blog? This looks like its straight out of a horror film and everyone knows I refuse to watch scary movies. (Knowing you only as the girls from room 221 is kind of creepy) It feels like I know you but I’m never sure due to my memory lapses of remembering names and who lives where. On another comment, they identify themselves as Kim from Bromley 726. I know a Kim that lives in Bromley but wasn’t sure of her room number. Needless to say I looked like an idiot when I confronted Kim about her comment and she had no idea what I was talking about. Oops.
But wait, it gets better.
Apparently I have inspired Kim from Bromley 726 to start a blog of her own, and in my honor she has named her first post in my name. Not only do I think that is really cool, but she had some pretty nice things to say about me in the process, which makes it even cooler. Go check it out at http://kimcerf.blogspot.com/
_________________________________________
I have a class that is completely on the opposite side of campus from where I live. I take the same stretch of road every single day and lately, I’ve been timing myself (to the second) on how fast it takes me to get from my room to my class. If I beat my previous time, I believe I am going to have a good rest of the day but if I fail, then I get really upset and as a result, the upcoming day will be a disaster. All potential road distractions are fair game and you cannot stop the clock if you get stuck in traffic. But you don’t necessarily have to obey road laws either. (No cop no stop)
I never really learned how to cuss until I started driving. I’m convinced Champaign, Illinois has the most generous DMV’s around and they hand out licenses’ like its candy on Halloween. Some people I see driving on the road, DO NOT belong there and I consider them a liability to society.
I have my own set of rules of the road that I think everyone should follow. When it comes to stop signs, crossing lanes, making a turn into oncoming traffic, basically anywhere that could have cars crash, I calculate vehicles on what I call the collision factor. I put every means of transportation in my own echelon system based on size, durability, brute strength, and sheer badassness. To explain further, if there is a four way stop sign and a cement truck wants to turn left, and a Ford Focus wants to continue straight. In order for that cement truck to make a left turn, it would have to cross the very near-future path of the Focus to get where it needs to go. Even if the Focus arrived at the stop sign a tad sooner than the cement truck, if I’m driving that Focus I’m stopping and waiting for the cement truck to do its thing. Imagine what would happen if that Ford Focus collided with the cement truck. It would be blown to smithereens.
When first arriving to campus and with these guidelines in mind, I was really surprised by the confidence in some pedestrians when crossing the street. It seemed like they would walk out there blindly and not even care (or notice) I was coming directly at them at blazing speed. It wasn’t until I was one of them that I realized that pedestrians don’t possess any amount of extraordinary confidence, they just simply are too busy fiddling with their iPods or cell phones to pay attention to oncoming traffic. Now I’m just as attached to my phone as the next guy, but when it’s a matter of life or death, I can put the phone down and watch out for the crazy lunatics on the road (like myself)
It's pretty common knowledge, (Or so I think) that the average pedestrian would not be able to withstand being run down by a automobile. To illustrate, I have drawn out a pyramid of my ranking system. As you can see, the vehicles closer to the top rule the road, and the ones below have less and less power until you get to the cyclists. I think I speak for everybody when I say cyclists are annoying and the worst way to travel. Who wants to see skin tight body suits and hand signals going painfully slow down the road in front of you? Not me.
______________________________
Weekly Tylerisms
I saw a rather large man eating at McDonald’s the other day. He ate a Big Mac in under ninety seconds and with three bites. I haven’t seen anything that impressive since that squirrel using the crosswalk to cross the street.
I don’t normally watch much TV besides Sports Center, but Ellen DeGeneres dancing through the introduction on her show is the greatest thing on TV…ever.
If 50 cent married a girl named Penny and if they ever had twins, he should name them nickel and dime. That would make their whole family worth 66 cents.
I want to make a cell phone company called “Searching for Network.” We’ll be everywhere!
Shout out to hot girls with no personality. They make my world complete.
***
If anyone makes a video like this one, of the Clemson game, let me know. I want the inspirational music, the images of us suffering defeat, then the amazing comeback. Its got to have all the parts for me to like it though.
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